Witz Pickz: BURNT BAGELS!

I KNOW! I DO THOUGH! WHAAAAT?? Well here's the thing: The other day I burnt the hell out of a my last bagel, and thought, "end of days" right? But I ate it anyway because I was starving and have very little food in my home. And it was delicious!!! All the cancer causing carcinogens mixed perfectly with the tasty Trader Joe's whipped cream cheese to create a fantastic eating experience. As I ate, I thought back to other times when I'd burnt bagels, but taken the plunge anyway, and I realized that I kinda liked em back then too. Conclusion: Burnt bagels ARE delicious, but society deems them wrong. I can only assume this is some innate racism which has existed since slave times, and I'm ready to fight it.

Other Pickz:

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang: A remake of an old film I haven't seen, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is an extremely captivating film noir-esque escapade starring Val Kilmer and Robert Downey, Jr. Val Kilmer proves once again that he CAN, in fact, act brilliantly when he wants to (see The Saint, Tombstone, cameo on Entourage). Robert Downey, Jr. is even better as he finally has a role to work with where he isn't actually gay, doing drugs, or opposite Rodney Dangerfield. The writing is brilliant, the storytelling draws you in, and the acting is spot on.

Entourage: As mindless as television is these days (all days), no television experience comes as close to doing absolutely nothing as Entourage-- And I love it. Watching Entourage is like sitting down in the shower. Time passes, you feel kinda warm, there's an inexplicable feeling of guilt, but soon enough, it's time to get back to the real world. This is because Entourage is a half hour of man-soap-opera glory. Money, women, cars, movies, cameos, women, and naked women fill the time with vague plots about being an actor and extended man-versations and one-liners that'll make you laugh and want more. There aren't any real issues at stake, the world is not particularly discussed, and nobody takes a stand on much of anything. What's incredible is that they're able to hold my attention and keep me wanting more each and every week, despite how little actually happens in the show. Only Mark Wahlberg could produce something as empty, useless, and perfect as Entourage.

The Sun: The Band

Solar associations aside, the band The Sun is entirely worth listening to. They combine a catchy pop-rock (not the kind that kills you when you drink soda) style with a slightly indie edge to create a sound that is creative without being alienating. Their debut full length album "Blame It On the Youth" is actually an mp3 dvd which is one of the worst ideas ever, but includes plenty of videos that make it worth checking out. The Sun is best experienced live, where their frantic, passionate energy (not unlike two porcupines goin' at it) is contagious, and the rawness of the songs make them much more enjoyable than the more refined studio versions. Checkout "Must Be You", "Pavement Jive" and "Valentine".

Witz

Witz Pickz Solar Fan Vents

Lemme guess: nine times out of ten, you're not going to associate the sun with wind. Am I right? Of course I am. Haha. You idiot. The sun and wind are rarely associated with each other(unless you're some kind of wacky scientist who believes that light has a physical effect on things...which I don't see in The Bible), but a brilliant new (or old some say) invention is bringing the two together. The Solar Fan Vent. The solar fan vent cools your car while it's parked. The fan simply clasps onto the top of your window, which you then close. While you're off buying your capri pants and frappacinos, the solar fan vent uses solar power to replace the hot air inside your car with cooler air outside. This is an amazing invention. This is the invention that everyone could use if they had access to it and it is an invention that should have won American Inventor instead of the "spherical safety seat" (not catchy at all) that DOESN'T EVEN WORK YET. What happens when you forget your kid in their Heat Bubble Baby Death Trap? THEY DIE. The solar fan vent would prevent said death, and go one step further by providing comfort-- and life.

The best part about the solar fan vent, however, is the shear glorious victory of it. The Sun has been battling us for years, whether we want to acknowledge it or not. The Sun has big plans for us in its future. The Sun got the Aztecs to worship it. A movie was made named "Empire of THE SUN." The clues are all around us. The solar powered fan vent is the first step in fighting back against The Sun. "How?" you ask? Ha. I told you that you were an idiot. Irony. That's how. The solar fan vent uses THE SUN'S OWN ENERGY to power a fan vent which cools down your car which has heated up BECAUSE OF THE ENERGY FROM THE SUN! This vicious cycle will serve to not only cool our cars, but raggedly annoy and frustrate The Sun, most likely resulting in fervent masturbation by The Sun which will do nothing to divert the knowledge that Earth is FIGHTING BACK. Because we are fighting back-- one slightly cooler sedan at a time.

Witz