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Friday, April 13, 2007

Witz Pickz: Lever's Incredible Gall

"For all your 2000 parts," they say. They tell us this and we say, OK, that seems convenient. And frankly, I think I'm alright with 2000 parts. I figure, if Lever 2000 cleans 2000 of my parts, I will be CLEAN ENOUGH. You know? 2000 is a big number, and as long as some MAJOR parts are covered, I feel like I can easily get by with 2000 parts being clean at any given time. The question must arrive, at some point or another, however, of "Do we really have 2000 parts? Are there more? Less?"

This question is important. I'll say that up front. I mean, what if we have 2008 parts and one of the parts the 2000 DOESN'T cover is your ass?

"Did you bath today?"
"Yes."
"Huh. Then why do you smell TERRIBLE?"
"Oh, haha, that's just my ass. I use Lever 2000 and it doesn't include my ass part. Also, you're very up front today and apparently have none of the same social folkways as the rest of us."

This would lead to me having to purchase ANOTHER brand of soap to take care of my non-cleanliness insured parts. Probably Irish Spring (new marketing slogan, "For your ass and pits.") or Dial ("Cleaned your pubes lately?"-- yeah, that's the first "pubes" reference on Witz Pickz-- clearly I'm running out of things to say). Anyway, it just seems odd, "For all your 2000 parts." It's too round a number. There's no way Nature was like, "1998, 1999, aaaaand 2000. There. Done." I mean the Appendex issue alone should void the 2000 belief. At the very least Lever should say, "Lever 2000, for your 2000 or 1999 parts." Or just keep it vague and say, "Lever 2000, for your 2000 or so parts." That I would buy. Lucky for me, I don't have to deal with the issue at all. I can't afford Lever 2000. I use, like, Target brand soap. Their slogan is, "Target brand soap: honestly, you couldn't spot up the extra buck for something that works?" When I'm lucky I use Dove soap. Their slogan is, "Dove: For guys who forget to buy soap and are ok smelling like their girlfriends." And you know what? I AM ok with that.

Witz

3 comments:

Sara said...

You know, I've wondered about this for a very long time...maybe that makes me as weird as you...at least I'm not alone. My theory is that it says for ALL your 2000 parts, and I wonder...does it really wash your hair? Probably not, I mean, it might get it clean, but it might make it dry and flaky and then you have to buy an anti-dandruff shampoo. That means it's not FOR your hair, it's kinda for your hair, if you like dandruff. Same with the face, everyone's face is different. Some need a soap for dry skin, some for oily, some for both. I don't think Lever can do ALL of it. Thanks for bringing this into the light, it truly is an issue worth discussing. At least for people who think like us. *wink*

IrishGal said...

To think, if you had made this pick over a week ago, I could have done a tally while attending the Bodies Exhibition and done your research for you.

wonderyak said...

Most of those 2,000 parts are INSIDE YOUR BODY. How do you get a Lever bar to clean your liver? Do I really want a bar of soap roaming around inside my large intestine? Bar form just seems inefficient and dangerous. It should come in a four-pack: bar for your outside; pill for some of your insides; drip bag + IV for the rest of your insides; suppository for...other. Now you're clean. Probably dead, as the soap reacted with your blood and travelled into your heart. But clean. That is, until you shit your pants in the throws of death.