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Thursday, February 22, 2007

Witz Pickz: SpamSpace Romance

This is the second post in 5 minutes, so don't miss the first one.

I couldn't resist picking this: A message I received on myspace from one of my porn pushing spamspace friends.

"Feb 22, 2007 7:27 AM
I'm hittin up my myspace buddies with a cool deal I found online, a free frickin iphone lol! get it here Chow! xoxoxo "

I don't even know where to start here. Let's see...I already know you aren't a real person, and yet i've made my choice to add you as a friend. We're very far past the point where you have to call me your buddy to "help me" find a good deal online. But that doesn't actually bother me. What bothers me is that she thinks the whole deal finding thing is HILARIOUS. "a free frickin iphone lol!" That's not how people talk or act. That's like me coming up to you and saying, "I found a website that says it gives away free xbox 360's...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH" and then when you ask me if I'm laughing because there's no way it's true I say, "Nono, I'm laughing because free stuff is soooo funny!" You wouldn't interract with me anymore.

Next up, we have "Chow!" meaning "food." I-- nevermind, I think that stands alone.

Finally, there is the shear amount of affection bestowed upon me by this girl I don't know, simply because SHE told ME about a good deal. "xoxoxo" she writes. Little hug. Little kiss. Little hug. Little kiss. Little hug. Little kiss. Ok, at this point, I'm pretty sure we're gonna bang. Or at least I'm gettin' under her bra. The hugkisshugkisshugkiss in physical actions usually suggests a clingy unwillingness to part with something. There is a need to be filled. A sexy sadness. As Will Farrell's character in The Wedding Crashers says (and I'm paraphrasing), "depression and bereavement is a crazy aphrodesiac." So I'm ready to go. But no. Chow. She's gone. I will have to wait until an ipod, or a razor phone, or a PS3 is advertised in a ridiculous deal before I will see where this relationship is going.

xoxoOOxOOx....OOO...XOOOOO...Y...Y...Y...o.....x.....

Witz

4 comments:

Lindy said...

Freakin' hilarious!!!

I would give you little hugs and kisses but I don't want you to think any dirty thoughts...

JKow said...

are you sure "chow" wasn't supposed to be "ciao"? Just a thought.

WitzPickz said...

in fact, JKow, I do think it was supposed to be ciao. That is why it is funny. I think it shows my generous spirit that even though she mispelled ciao, I would still be willing to have relations.

Thanks for all the comments, duder.

JKow said...

to quote Homer J. Simpson, "I get jokes"... really.



and never call me "duder" again... please.