Witz DOESN’T Pick: That Douchey Lookin’ UPS Spokesman

I’m so not alone on this. Does anyone even understand the new UPS campaign? The one with that douchey lookin’ guy drawing pictures on a white board while talking, but the two never seem to be connected or problematic? I can’t figure out how what UPS is talking about is any different from the regular USPS. They keep saying things like, “Say you have 3 packages, and you want them picked up and delivered, but you want them delivered to 3 DIFFERENT locations…” and then he draws a turtle and is like, “UPS can do that—it’s not just shipping, it’s shipping…with UPS.”
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Isn’t that what all mail services do? Did I miss the part where the US Postal Service said they would only deliver all of your mail to ONE location? I can’t help but think this is one of those total scam campaigns, where nothing is really wrong with their opposition, but they talk about themselves as if they are clearly addressing our issues with the competition. It’s clever, but it’s lame and this time, really really obvious. Douchey. If I see that one guy drawing things one more time and then acting super nonchalant about the whole ordeal (he always finishes up as if he doesn’t need to be there, but we begged and pleaded with him to explain how stamps work), I’m going to snap. I’m already yelling at him on TV.

The Mac Commercials:
I’ve also had it with these. Here’s why: I could appreciate their witty hipster slams at first when they at least made sense and didn’t seem over the top or unnecessarily aggressive. But now they’ve gone too far. The last two commercials I saw of theirs were against installing simple USB devices, and against Microsoft Vista.

The USB one pisses me off the most. PC is getting a camera duct taped to his head and it’s funny because Mac already has one installed. My problems: while I understand hyperbole, PC is not REALLY a human, so duct tape or ANY OTHER KIND OF ANNOYANCE is not actually a part of the process. It isn’t bulky. All you need to do is plug the camera in using a simple cord and that’s it. The software probably self-installs and within about 30 seconds, with the worst case scenario being you have to click “Next, next, next, and Finish” quickly, you have your camera. My other issue here is that on a PC, you can MOVE the camera, so if you don’t want it facing DIRECTLY AT YOU while you type, you don’t have to. On a Mac, the camera is built in, so you can’t move it at all. More on this idea later.

The other one is the anti-Vista commercial. Fair enough, you can attack Vista for having tight security that annoys the hell out of the users by constantly asking if things are ok. I don’t even have Vista and Norton has recently taken to asking me if I want to allow Internet Explorer to connect to the internet. Idiot. So anyway, fair enough, EXCEPT, it was like 2 minutes after Vista came out. They didn’t give it a moment’s rest, which comes off as extremely aggressive and just obnoxious. Mac is quickly showing why they are the hipster choice—because they were very uncool and obnoxious as children, and hate on all “mainstream” culture why they themselves are mainstream. The overly aggressive campaign makes me feel FOR PC and get defensive as a PC user. Just as I end up feeling bad for the child molestors on Dateline: To Catch A Predator, I feel bad for Microsoft. Get off their ass, Mac. Do your thing.

The worst part of it all is that PC can’t possibly respond. I don’t know what the actual sales are like for both types, but they can’t start a “hip war” by putting out parody ads or ranking on Macs. Then they’re drawn into the fight and they look bad. So Mac wins the pissing competition. I hope that’s an expression—I mean, I think it is. This is going to be awkward if it’s not….hm.


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