Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Witz Pickz: 250 Posts and Counting

Yup. That's right. 250 Posts. Now, I realize that I had 200 posts like...six months ago or something, so the fact that I've only accrued 50 is somewhat terrible of me, but hey, it's still a base ten mathematical landmark (and yeah, I'm pretty pumped that I just remembered "base 10").

So for my 250th post, I'd like to call out one reader in particular-- that's right, I'm calling out my readers now. This reader is a nameless woman who read my blog and said that I come off pretentious. Instead of dismissing this idea, let's go ahead and explore it, because this site is nothing if not fair and subsequently extremely judgemental.

In fact, we don't need to dismiss the idea so much as file it away as irrelevant. I mean-- the name of the blog is WITZ PICKZ! EVERYTHING is based on my opinions! Instead of saying, "Book ends are stupid," do you really want me to say, "Book ends are stupid, unless they're your thing and you use them a lot and that works for, because in that case, maybe I'm wrong?" What kind of a person would I be, and how enjoyable would that be to read? How much of a chump do I come off as if I write, "People who write 'Wash Me' on cars are baffling and annoy me...but maybe I just don't understand them and instead of judging, I think I need to talk to some of them as people and get their side of the story." HORRIBLE.

On the other hand, is it really pretentious? What about the laundry list of posts involving my weakness, failure, defeat, uselessness, worthlessness, sweating, inability to exist in a complex world, plane escapades, and embarrassments? How pretentious can you be when the world knows you're rockin' a double ass seam on your boxers?

So I'm gonna keep going with it, and just say that worst case scenario, I'm not big in Texas. Because, let's be honest, The South isn't exaaactly my target demographic--...unless it is, in which case that's ok too.


Digital Photo Frame:
You'd think the digital photo frame would be sweet, but I have one rockin' out on my desk at work and it is TERRIBLE! I'm sure it would be cool to have in a home, in a room that you don't hangout at constantly, but in a cubicle, it's like you have a little A.D.D. buddy poking you in the ribs every few seconds. Only when you finally break down and say, "Ok, little A.D.D. buddy, let's go DO something!" you remember that it's only a picture frame and it would be unusual and socially unacceptable to take it with you on your adventures unless you are in a Pixar film which I am currently not. The problem is that the motion is due to the Slide Show mode, which you HAVE to have on because if you don't, you just have a $100+ still picture frame and you look ridiculous. So the slide show is on, the pictures keep changing, and it's impossible not to feel like your world just got a lot more chaotic-- and let's be honest, it also makes me a little motion sick.

An even bigger issue I just learned about, is the fact that a slide show is nothing without music, and so as the pictures change, there is an undeniable urge to throw on some headphones and play some music-- or worse, just turn on your speakers. When pictures are set to music of any kind, they gain a meaning and framework that they didn't necessarily have to begin with. This makes the whole viewing/listening experience VERY EMOTIONAL. One second I just had a picture on my desk, the next minute I'm watching a slideshow of me and my friends, listening to Death Cab For Cutie, and unconsciously start scrawling out a suicide note on a pad because this must be the last thing that happens before I KILL MYSELF. If you go the speaker route at any point, not even necessarily in intentional collaboration with your frame, your co-workers will walk by, see the pictures, hear your music and start this conversation:

THEM: gotta a little montage of memories thing goin' on over there, huh?
YOU: Oh no, no, I'm just listening to music and have a digital frame.
THEM: Yeah, everything alright? I see a lot of those pictures are happy memories, but you're listening to Modest Mouse.
YOU: Yeah, no, I'm fine-- it's on shuffle. Also, who puts up photos of UNHAPPY memories?
THEM: Whatever, geez, I was just making sure you were ok!
YOU: No, sorry, I didn't mean--
THEM: You know, you're such a pretentious asshole-- have fun offing yourself pretentious asshole!
YOU: (to frame) Ok, little A.D.D. buddy, let's go DO something!-- Oh yeah. Right.

Thanks For Readin,

1 comment:

JKow said...

Happy semiquincentennial post, Witz! Here's to your next 250 Consumer Reports-esque selections that all your readers love so much!