Snakes On a Plane!!!

There are only so many hours in a day. That number is 24 (see "The 24 Blog"), and so sometimes, actions must be taken to save time. Now if you're like me, you're really into three things: Snakes, planes, and Samuel L. Jackson. Sweet, right? But how can you fit all three of these things into one twenty-four hour day? SNAKES ON A PLANE! that's how!!! "SOAP" as fans in the know call it, will be released on August 18, 2006 (yes, the same date that the amendment passed to give women the right to vote), but already the hype is too much to handle. Not only is the title not a metaphor or military code, but it stars Samuel L. Jackson as a non-snake on the plane. This means one thing, and that one thing is enough to get me in the theater: Samuel L. will at some point say, "There's snakes on the motherfuckin' plane!" That moment will give me the joy necessary to live for another three-hundred years. As if "SOaP" wasn't illegitimate enough, a recent article detailed how after being shown to test audiences and having comedic internet buzz about the movie (and it's a movie, not a film), they actually added more gore and violence in order to have audiences take it more seriously. That's one way of going. I guess their other option was to take off the "s" so the title became "Snake On A Plane," thereby leaving the plurality twist for the audience's discovery.

BUT WHY ARE THERE SNAKES ON A PLANE!?? You ask? Because! Terrorists need to kill some witness protection program guy and since guns, knives, bombs, nail clippers, and icicles are no longer allowed on planes, the obvious answer is SNAKES. FUCKING...SNAKES! Apparently snakes just beat out my idea of terrorists all listening to their discmen during takeoff, but not only would that be too great a suspension of disbelief (why wouldn't they be listening to ipods? too suspicious), the title "A Lot of Terrorists With Discmen Used At Inappropriate Procedural Times On A Plane" lacked a certain je ne sais quoi.

So why does Witz Pick "Snakes On A Plane" besides the obvious comic possibilities? Because the movie has already had a greater impact on pop-culture and society than most non-oscar winning films of the last ten years. Thanks to "SOaP", the phrase "snakes on a plane" is spreading as a cultural phrase. According to an NPR interview, people are increasingly using "snakes on a plane" to mean, "Whattya gonna do? We're effed. Nothing we could do about it. This just straight up SUCKS." Brilliant. These rare moments are what makes life worthwhile. So next time you get fired for being late to a meeting because your flight was late, the taxi broke down, your bicycle got pulled over for speeding, and right when you were about to walk in on-time aliens dropped out of the sky and forced you to watch "Slither", just smile to yourself and think, "Snakes on a plane..." and I'll be damned if you don't feel just a little bit better.

Snakes In A Plantain (would be TERRIFYING!),
Witz