Witz DOESN'T PICK "Winebot": Continuing the Battle on Human Species Ending Robots

NEC's System Technologies laboratory and Mie University have recently released a creation they call "Winebot". No longer just the nickname for that guy you knew in college, "Winebot" is a small robot allegedly capable of using it's "taste buds" (FAKE BUDS) to distinguish various wines from each other, and cut down on wine fraud which is apparently running rampant (I knew that Carlo Rossi tasted worse than usual!). It works by putting 5 ml of wine into it's chamber and then infrared rays figure out the wine's composition. During this process, the robot acts extremely pretentious and ultimately condescends to the wine seller with a robotic, "I've tasted better."

This is just another example of the Japanese's obsession with self-destruction. They can't seem to help themselves from creating useless robots that imitate human capabilities-- imitate, that is, until they self teach themselves emotions such as "freedom" or "love" and kill us all. Along with numerous other robots such as RunBot, and Winebot, Food-Bot was recently created by the same Japanese country. This robot functions similarly to WineBot in that it can sense a food's composition by infrared light and tell you what type of food it is, if fruit is ripe, and the nutritional information. It can even go so far as to give advice based on the food it tests, such as essentially, "Don't be a fatty, Fatty." As the article pointed out, this robot awkwardly has no mouth, making it extra creepy. Thanks, the Japanese.

When will they learn that bots will be our downfall? One minute Winebot is sippin' Pinot Grigio, the next it's grabbing the keys from your counter and drunkenly running down a family of five. And hey, FoodBot, you fat fuck, I don't need you to tell me if my fruit is ripe or if my hot fudge sundae contains more fat than I should be having-- I know that. We have enough of a famine problem in the world that we don't need to be feeding EFFING ROBOTS. "Dear India, we could have fed you, but I wanted to see my robot tell me that my cantaloupe was well past ripe." Once we give robots a taste of our goods, be it food or drink, they will only want more. We might as well give them human blood to taste and cut out the middle man. You can't make five separate robots each with one human sense-- they will learn to combine into one being like those Cassette Tape Transformers and then they will seize our legs and destroy us all.

I Fear Winebots, Even Drunken Winebots,
Witz

Witz Also Doesn't Pick: The New Transformers Movie -- What the hell is going on here? From the previews i've seen (ONE YEAR IN ADVANCE), people go to Mars, we look for life, but get evil transformers...does any of that remind you of actual transformers we used to watch? Mars?? Are we that desperate for a current event tie-in? The only transformers movie I'll ever see is the one where Optimus Prime is voiced by Orson Welles and they dance around effeminately together for no good reason.