Monday, March 17, 2008

Witz Pickz: Seriously, Still Existing

SO it's been a bit, and I haven't been able to scrap the time, thoughts or creativity together to come up with any decent posts, and thus have left you abandoned and momentarily alone (like when your parents would leave you for a minute in the grocery store and you'd either freak out or start planning which cereals to build your new home out of). Well, I'm not quite back. But I will be. And so I want to leave you with these few thought on St. Patrick's Day, which is arguably today, though some have said otherwise (hence making it arguable).

Best Overheard Quote: (while walking out of blockbuster as two kids walked in) "I'm a git Major Payne 2!"

Thought While Sitting In Doctor's Office and Looking Around While Waiting For Doctor: When you first see the name Analscope, you don't want to believe that it is what it sounds like-- it must simply be a poor spelling decision, or your mind playing tricks on you. But later, after some search engining, you will find out that it is exactly what it sounds like. We live in a world of analscopes, an equation in which nobody comes out ahead.

Shocking Realization: I paid 50 dollars for FOUR prescription anti-migraine pills.
MORE Shocking Realization: Without insurance, it would have been 257 dollars for NINE pills.
MOST Shocking Realization: Howie Mandel successfully resurrected his career.

Word With Most Double-Letter Combos: S-U-C-C-E-S-S-F-U-L-L-Y

Favorite Kind of "Combos": Pepperoni Pizza

Dream Last Night: The goddamn snakes were back-- shock of all shocks. I fall down and a King Cobra (which as I recall, were only discussed as children) pounces near me and rears its head. I manage to get up somehow by staring it down, but as I walk away, what happens? I TRIP BACKWARDS (like, I'm walking FORWARDS, trip, and fall BACKWARDS) and land near the damn snake again, which doesn't let me off the hook this time. Sleep's a real treat these days.

This Discussion With My Friend Who Formerly Had A Pool But Now Has A Patio: Sure, Chupacabra's are scary, but what about a ChupaCOBRA? Formerly of a Pool says that "cobra sucker" is safer than "goat sucker" because it's sucking cobras. I say that he would rather see a ChupaCOBRA and know that snakes were around than see a ChupaCABRA and know that goats were around?? HE says that YES, because a ChupaCOBRA would PROTECT against the snakes, while a ChupaCABRA only protects against goats. Admittedly, my way of thinking is a tad negative, but to be fair, I think maybe the other way around is a bit overly optimistic. Chupacabra OR Chupacobra, those suckers aren't gonna leave people alone. ChupaSoulja Boy.

Jealous Rant: I get it, Stuff White People Like is very funny and perfectly niche, but how come it has to be so damn successful. And how did so many people learn about it so fast? And how come he only has to post like ONE PARAGRAPH and gets THREE HUNDRED COMMENTS??? Eighty Six Posts of a few paragraphs each tops is TROUNCING my 200+ posts, some of mucho length. DO I really have to specialize for success? Is catering to a niche the path to mass success? Will Witz Pickz have to turn into "StuffOnWitz.Com?"

Is Funky Fresh An Oxymoron?,

1 comment:

Adrian said...

Don't worry about readership/ comments. I mean, have you read those 300 comments? They're largely by idiots, I bet.

Just write good stuff consistently and you'll build up a good readership.