Witz Makes the Tough Pickz: Flying vs. Invisibility

It might be a Sunday for most people, and God might be resting, but this Witz is hard at work with the tough pickz. You may now accurately say that for at least one day of the week, "Witz worked harder than God." Pff. Lazy God. Speaking of which, do you think God aka G to the Izzo aka Young G-O shifted with the times like most people and decided he had to do business (not THAT kind) on Sunday to keep up? Or is He seriously just kickin' back with a brew while the technological 21st century broils around him? And if that's the case, doesn't that void most of all those "Thank Gods" that football players give when they score touchdowns and point to the sky? When they do that is God just like, "Ha! Not today effers! This is MY DAY!" Does He say "This is MY DAY?" like millions of mothers on Mothers Day and millions of others on their birthday? Is God a Jewish Mother? All of these are good questions, but they are entirely unimportant. The question today is:

Would you rather be able to Fly or be able to turn Invisible? This has probably been a question for ages, but has most recently been brought to my attention via a terrible commercial on the radio. The commercial asks, "Would you rather fly or be invisible?" and the other guy says something like, "I WANT A BIG MAC!" or, "GIMME THE SPICY CHICKEN!" or some shit. Clearly this guy is a moron (and would probably pick invisibility given some time to think, as he could then sneak in and steal all the fat foods he could want. Then it would be hilarious because he'd be this big fat invisible blob just knocking shit over wherever he went even though nobody can see him).

So now Witz has to make the tough pick: Flying or Invisibility? The Wikipedia doesn't look to be much of a help this time as it has been in the past, so I'll have to use my own thoughts and some comic book references.

FLYING:
The epitome of hubrus. The ability to ascend the heavens with only wings and sail willy-nilly around the sky, not a care in the world (until you run out of energy and die horribly). It would be tremendous. First, there's the freedom aspect-- cruising around and feeling ultimate freedom from the grasps of gravity-- able to go anywhere at a moments notice, no traffic or oceans to stop you. Then there's the heroic aspect; saving people from fires, floods, etc, and even cats from trees...or people from trees if need be. Then there's the creepy aspect; being able to fly onto people's roofs, balconies, or stare at them in their windows. That all sounds pretty cool, especially with the airlines raising their prices and making Chicago the hub for all travel even though Chicago is clearly the one place that cannot handle travel at all. Between the cold, snow, wind, hail, thunder and lightning storms, Chicago is the worst possible place to make a hub. It'd be like making Barry Bonds captain of the "Normal Sized Heads Team." (oooOOooo, what a timely reference, Witz!) So that's flying.

INVISIBILITY:
Let's not kid ourselves-- invisibility is cool for two reasons. 1) You can steal shit. And 2.) You can see people naked. If there is any other reason why you would want to be invisible, you're either a) a liar or b) probably going to vote for invisibility because you've clearly spent too much time thinking about the topic. But don't get me wrong, these two reasons are pretty brilliant. They both fall under the category of "general mischief" along with pranks and snooping. Invisibility pretty much lets you out of the social contract as we know it, and allows you to do whatever the hell you want. You can walk into any store and walk out with whatever you'd like, either not being seen or scaring the hell out of whoever sees you when they see their products floating through the air. I'm pretty sure that's the premise of those old ipod commercials where the shadow of a person is dancing around-- they just stole their ipod and then got sprayed with paint and are now visible. The commercials always cut off before they get shot multiple times in the chest. Which brings us to the downside of invisibility-- people can dump stuff on you, see you, and end your world. This is bad. Also, if anyone ever found out about it, you would probably receive endless "Hollow Man" jokes. Oh, but wait-- I forgot to mention the nakedness again. You would be able to pretty much see anyone you want naked, AND more than likely, BE NAKED YOURSELF almost all the time. I mean, either you don't need clothes (like in Naked Land, the failed children's game by Milton Bradley-- the boardgamers, not the baseball player), or can't have clothes on (like in the Fantastic Four), so what's the point? Naked time is all the time, and that would be hilarious. You would also be able to run around Naked Invisible, get really drunk, and then vomit on people and have them flip out at the nearest person, which would be ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS.

So which is it then? Flying or Invisibility? Both provide a freedom, an escape, and the possibility of using your powers for both great good and great evil. Which is it then? Well, of course I'm going to pick ADAMANTIUM CLAWS! Rip shit up and be one badass dude ready to get crazy busy on some vigilante action, like Jodie Foster in that new movie that's coming out where she shoots black people because they weren't given as many cultural advantages as her. ...But, since that's not an option, I must move on to something else. After careful deliberation, I have to pick Flying. While I love all of the hilarious and entertaining perks of invisibility, Flying is just too strong a curiosity. I would love to be able to just take off and zoom around for a while. Not fear falling anymore. Constantly hustle people playing basketball by being able to dunk from my own hoop (which is pretty much legal in the NBA nowadays anyway). I'd also like to potentially give the finger to people flying first class while they are in the air. So flying it is. It was a tough pick, but I feel as though I've earned my Sunday rest. Unlike Young G-O-Deezie, who is spending all of His time making people think that not all of Modest Mouse's songs sound the same, and having a good laugh doing it.

You Know, We Fly High, Ballin...,
Witz