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Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Witz Pickz: Witzpickz! And Witzpicks!

Happy 4th of July people! I don't know why you're sitting there reading Witz Pickz on this beautiful/overcast/partly cloudy/rainy day, but if you are, you are among the first to know that Witz Pickz has gone to the next level! That's right-- eliminating what could have been a really thoughtful, insightful gift for my birthday in two months, I purchased www.witzpickz.com and www.witzpicks.com. You can now go to either of those sites and it will-- well, it will forward you back to here. But the point is, if you actually type it in, it's even easier and faster, and you can tell people verbally off the cuff to go to Witz Pickz dot com, and even if they don't get the z's thing, they will end up here. GLORIOUS! Here are some Fourth of July Pickz:

Grills: These wondrous devices cook up the most delicious of meats and veggies. How do they do it? Contrary to popular belief, it is not magical fairies flying around in circles so quickly they create enough heat to cook your food. No. In fact, it is heat produced by charcoal or gas or propane (which may or may not be the same as gas)! Anyway, I always assumed grills were massively expensive-- even the small charcoal ones I figured went for about 70-80 bucks. But guess what?? THEY'RE NOT! I found small grills with stable builds and legit looking cooking puts for 20-40 bucks. That's it. Amazing. And propane grills were selling for 100-200 bucks for really good looking setups. I can't wait to own a home.

Fireworks: Alright, here's the thing. I pick the idea of fireworks and the fact that they exist. People invented gun powder to kill each other and then some Japanese or Chinese guy (at least according to "Shanghai Knights" starring Jackie Chan and Owen Wilson, used the powder to make crazy designs and colors in the sky. Well played. HOWEVER, that was hundreds of years ago and I am now sick and tired of the same old firework displays. Big burst, small burst, sizzle, sizzle, Pop, Pop, Pop. Throw some Beethoven behind it and that's the works. COME ON PEOPLE! Let's get creative. There has to be other ways to make these things explode. Create new patterns. New designs. Explode them into the outline of Bill Clinton's head, and then make that head wink. How cool would that be? Play something hip for the kids behind it and you got yourself a show.

Independence: Independence is cool! No way around it. When I was little, I didn't understand what July 4th was all about-- I mean, those Brits seemed cool enough, and hey, who likes tea anyway? Stamps are overrated. But sometime after fourth grade I got it. Being independent is awesome. It's not about the taxes or the condescending attitude, it's about being able to eat ice cream for dinner, and stay up until four in the morning watching episodes of Dinosaurs you bought on DVD. It's about staying out late on a school night and making as big as mess as you want-- because only you have to clean it up. It's about not washing dishes right away, eating at a table that isn't set, and having pizza 8 nights a week. That's right-- EIGHT. It's that good. Independence is Pizza Eight Nights A Week. And nevermind having to worry about healthcare and getting a job, and not getting scurvy, because you, my friend, have your independence, and can listen to "Since U Been Gone" or "Beer" or any Three-Six Mafia as loud as you want, whenever you want. So how about that?

Wishing Healthcare, Rent, and Food were Independent-- I mean Free,
Witz

2 comments:

Thomas J. Brown said...

You may also want to but witspicks.com.

WitzPickz said...

Thanks, good idea. If you could do me a favor and let me know how I can ruin your day, too, that'd be awesome :)