Witz Pickz: Witz Pickz: Assault On LoneGirl15 (But Not The Illegal Kind)

Alright—it’s one day before my birthday and it’s time for me to make my push. LonelyGirl15 is just sitting there above me on the Scale O’ Life and it’s time I took charge and did somethin’ about it. Special Thanks to Diana for this realization, and for one upping the “Leave A Comment” request I’ve made by doing the “Calling Me Out On the Telephone” communication. So here are a bunch of pickz to get your week started right:

The Improbable Adjustment of Sandals: I bought 10 dollar (Ok, Ok, $7.50) sandals from Old Navy and left the store. I assumed that they would be effective—then I put them on. HOLY CRAP. Wearing these sandals was like riding a wild horse; the leather strap between my Big Toe and my…next to big toe (I think we need to rethink the whole “names of toes” thing. The “Big Toe” is big, but the one next to it is actually taller. I think we need to give the title of Big Toe to the second toe and give the former “Big Toe” the more accurate title of “The Choad Toe.” Other toes can be referred to as “Useless” and/or “Stabilizers” up until the “Baby Toe” who I also call, “The Toe Who’s Nail Grows Freakishly Long In Comparison To Other Toes.”)……even I couldn’t track back to before those parentheses….anyway, the leather strap between the two toes cut violently into my soft flesh, making every step a painful painful journey. I had to keep switching the positioning of my foot just to not saw a deep gash into my foot. And then, after several wears, almost without notice, something changed. The horse let me ride it without bucking or attempting to hurt me. The sandals became comfortable, and now, I am indeed capable of riding these $7.50 sandals without any pain at all. They have been broken.

Sub Pick: The Urban Dictionary: I just looked up “choad” on Google to see how it is spelled and found the Urban Dictionary. Check out the bluntness of some of the latter entries and understand why the Urban Dictionary is amazing.

The Tremendous Effects of Pushup Grips: Pushups suck. They just do. If you can do them, which many can’t, they hurt your wrists, your fingers, and a lot of the time your shoulders. Sometimes pain is good with workouts, but other times it’s not. In this case, I went to Sports Authority and purchased pushup “grips/stands” for twelve bucks. They are slightly elevated handlebars basically that let you grip instead of flattening your wrists, and you can then push without pain or undue stress on your shoulders and wrists. Also, it lets you do some decline pushups so your chest can get an even better workout. Brilliant.

The Shocking Resiliency of Bagel Bites: They’ve been around forever and yet no matter what happens, they stick around in the freezer section of every supermarket. They have microwave instructions, toaster instructions, and oven instructions. In the microwave, they’re mushy, BUT DELICIOUS. In the toaster, they’re more crispy, BUT DELICIOUS, and in the oven, they are crispy AND TOTALLY DELICIOUS! Do you think Tacquitos are going to have this kind of staying power? Not a chance.

The Addictive Nature of Above Average Television: I started watching Burn Notice and now I can’t stop. I don’t even think it’s THAT good a show, it’s just that the main character is so damn affable and has such good expressions and one-liners that I don’t see why I wouldn’t keep watching. It’s about a US Spy who gets a burn notice from the CIA, meaning that he is no longer affiliated and is totally on his own. Also, all of his bank accounts are frozen and he’s basically effed. Which leads to the, honestly, really odd plot of him solving minor cases every week using his skills to acquire some money or payment, while he also gets slightly closer to the final solution of who burned him and why. The show is on USA and follows their new slogan, “Characters welcome.” It’s like Cool Monk. They might have even called it Cool Monk if it then wouldn’t confuse people and turn regular Monk into Bafflingly Off the Air Monk. I think it’s kind of USA’s style and the style of many non-FOX channels, to have big plots (who burned him, who killed Monk’s wife), and then slow the show down dramatically to solve side cases and, well, allow seasons to happen. FOX wants that dude OUT OF PRISON. FOX wants Jack to KILL THE TERRORISTS. FOX wants People Who Think They Can Dance to Prove Openly In Competition That They CAN DANCE. One exception is House who has his medical thing and secrets, and to be sure, this is a formula for almost all ongoing plot oriented shows, but every now and then, as with Burn Notice, I find myself wanting it to be more like a movie, and just give me the whole damn story before you get cancelled and I never find out what the answer was (a future John From Cincinnati post on this). Regardless, Burn Notice is enjoyable, and I’m glad there are shows with interesting, quirky, characters on cable.