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Thursday, July 01, 2010

Witz Pickz: Bros Icing Bros -- A Prisoner's Dilemma

Either Smirnoff Ice has marketing geniuses or humanity is continuing it's downward spiral towards its Nicholas Cage featured doom (that's called a teaser-- 2012 commentary coming soon...like, as soon as I decide it's a good day to give up hope and watch The Road and then send it back to Netflix).

When I first heard of "Bros Icing Bros," I assumed it was from some stupid commercial where one dude cockblocked another dude via a cold beer. When one of my roommates heard of it, she assumed it was footage of one guy pouring a cooler of ice over another guy. Unfortunately for the future of our planet, bros icing bros is a game involving bottles of Smirnoff Ice.

One guy presents a bottle of Smirnoff Ice to another guy, either by handing it to him or through some trickery. The game is played primarily by frat guys, Ed Hardy aficionados, and the general douchebaggy circuit, so I'm going to make this explanation sound as sexual as possible. The receiving bro proceeds to get down on one knee and pounds out the Smirnoff Ice. HOWEVER, if the receiving bro already has a Smirnoff Ice on his person, then the giver BECOMES the receiver and takes both ices while everyone else watches.



Video: Hipsters, "Baker," "vom," and is that the dude from Gossip Girl?

Now, I'm not going to say that bros icing bros isn't stupid, but let's take pause and consider the other games I've played or seen played:

The Ball Game: Not a drinking game, the ball game was played by friends of mine and meant that at any point, you could yell "Game On" and throw a ball at someone's crotch.

Two-Liter: Actually really fun, two liter was played in college and entailed filling a two-liter bottle partially with water and throwing it at someone ten or so feet away. The person has their back turned and is graciously allowed to cover their head with one hand and a kidney of their choice with the other. Don't knock it till you've tried it.

Edward Forty Hands: You know exactly what this is. Two forties, two hands, duct tape. Have fun trying to pee.



One, Two, Three, Drink!: Introduced to me by long-time Witz Pickz supporter C-Murder, this game is exactly what it sounds like. Someone says "One, two, three, drink!" and you do. "Oh, the places you'll go..."

With these games in mind, Bros Icing Bros at least contains the psychological and social issue of The Prisoner's Dilemma. You see, you have no reason to assume you are going to get iced. By buying a Smirnoff Ice, you protect yourself against attack, but you also have to a) purchase a Smirnoff Ice and b) possess a Smirnoff Ice. If nothing happens, you're just a dude with a bottle of Smirnoff Ice. On the other hand, if you don't get the Ice, you're susceptible to an Ice assault, devoid of defenses. At the same time, if you buy an Ice to Ice someone (presumably a bro), you have no way of knowing whether they also intended on icing you, and thereby posess an Ice, too. Is it safer to get an Ice (mutually assured destruction) or leave yourself defenseless (disarmament). That's a lot more complicated than chucking a half filled soda bottle at some guy's ass (but not nearly as amusing).

The website brosicingbros.com was shutdown by Smirnoff, but that doesn't mean they had nothing to do with its creation. At the same time, this is absolutely something people would make up, so I don't know what to think. No matter which it is, Smirnoff Ice wins; and, as Aliens vs. Predators told us, no matter who wins, we lose.



In College In Maine, We Absolutely Would Have Used Beast Ice Instead of Smirnoff...and I'm Odddly Proud of That,
Witz

P.S. The ultimate "icing" would have to be to ice someone while "ghost riding your whip," right?? Could anything top a drive-by ghost-ride-icing? (see also: how Witz dies)


Bros Icing Bros College Humor Video:

15 comments:

Dave said...

I like that throughout the whole entry, I was thinking, "...but icing should involve a can of Beast" . . . and then you went there. That's why we're friends.

Anonymous said...


Do you mind if I quote a couple of your articles as long as I provide credit and sources back to your site?

Witz said...

Definitely, feel free to quote whatever you'd like as long as you credit me like you said. Links are great, too, thanks. Let me know in these comments if you end up using anything...

Thanks,
Witz

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