Witz Pickz: The Failbag

Since I don't get any real reader emails, I decided it would be a good idea to start posting the occasional "mailbag" of responses to spam comments which I receive on a daily basis. All links have been removed so spam doesn't win. I present you with: The Failbag.

In response to "What the F*ck are Silly Bandz"
First of all I want to say great blog! I had a quick question that I'd like to ask if you don't mind. I was interested to know how you center yourself and clear your head prior to writing. I've had difficulty clearing my mind in getting my ideas out. I truly do enjoy writing however it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are usually lost simply just trying to figure out how to begin. Any ideas or hints? Appreciate it! My web site - Cheap Fish Food 

Great questions--and while I don't own a fish, you should know that if I did, I'd be in favor of not-expensive food for it! If I knew how to clear my head, I wouldn't be writing about Silly Bandz and Premium Rush, I'd be a functioning adult and have far more important things going on. My suggestion would be to write for more than 10-15 minutes. That's a super short amount of time. I've spent more time than that deciding which brand of bread to buy at the grocery store. I've spent more time than that sitting on the toilet, figuring out IF I even had to poop. You get my point. If you need ideas, do what I do and embarrass yourself in public and then tell everyone about it. Or, get way angry at inane, un-important things and really let it get to you. Let fester for about 24-48 hours, then vent! Your writing should start flowing in no time. 

In response to "Standard Treadmill Procedure"
You need to take part in a contest for one of the greatest websites on the net. I most certainly will recommend this website!

Most of my spare time is spent entering "One of the Greatest Websites on the Net" contests! Unfortunately, no matter how well written or insightful a blog post is, nothing can hold a candle to pictures and videos of inter-species animal friends. Rabbit and cats cuddling? Monkey riding a dog? A blind horse with a seeing-eye goat? Nothing beats that. 

In response to "What the F*ck are Silly Bandz"
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That seems unlikely! The only thing that's touched all the internet people is Tom from Myspace and now he's in jail for a long, long time.  

 In response to "Revolutionary Condoms"
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I know it must seem like there's a huge staff working here at Witz Pickz, what with the 14 posts in 2012 and all, but in actuality, it's just me! Regardless, I'm glad you found my condom arguments pleasant, and didn't mind the slight ribbing they included--they were ultimately for your pleasure. For added enjoyment, I suggest drinking some alcohols or smoking some drugs before reading more posts. This will numb you and make the experience last longer. Thanks for your comment and good luck with your naked teens!

In response to "Revolutionary Condoms"
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Just to clarify for anyone new to the site, he was scared to write because he knows about my well-documented hatred for Porter, Texas. And you were right to be scared, anonymous reader. While I appreciate the compliments and will probably begrudgingly visit your site at some point, you should know better than to stick your head up from the sands along I-69, just outside of Houston. You're not half the town New Caney is to your north, nor Kingwood to your south. Your estimated population of 25,627 disgusts me! You think you're sooooo high and mighty since the Texas Education Agency rated your school district as "recognized" in 2009! You can't even "recognize" that that's a shitty rating. And it's always Robert Crippin this and Robert Crippin that with you people. WE GET IT--he was the pilot of the first orbital test flight of the Space Shuttle program and was the commander of three additional shuttle flights. And he grew up in Porter. Shut up about it! Why can't you just hurry up and be a ghost town like your Montgomery County brethren, Esperanza, Texas?? Ugh, and don't even get me started on Yancy Road. Also, check back soon for more posts!
  
In response to "Paul Ryan's Playlist"
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......That was weird okay thanks keep reading!

In response to "Reynolds Parchment Paper"
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Yes. YES. Thank you for finally saying it. Some people turn to Wikipedia for answers, but there are other sites out there and I wish more people would realize that. I set out to write the definitive article on Reynolds parchment paper and I fucking nailed it. People said it couldn't be done--that it HAD been discussed for decades and there was nothing left worth mentioning. Well, haters, whattya think now? Just because support came from what I can only assume is the host of an Italian oral sex porn pic site doesn't make it any less relevant or true. Boom. "I did that."

In response to "The XXX Olympic Games"
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What can I say to that, really, beyond simply that it is an honor to be your peer and I look forward to seeing how we change the world together.

In response to "Threat of Death (But Not Death)"
It's such a tickety-boo site. fanciful, quite stimulating!!

You have no idea how long I've been waiting for somebody to say that. Witz Pickz has been called glammer-flan and giggity-spoon, and even rascal-munch once, but never the coveted tickety-boo. I'm so glad you enjoy it.*



In response to "The Comfort Wipe"
It is rather interesting for me to read this post. Thanx for it. I like such themes and everything connected to them. I definitely want to read a bit more soon. 

"Shit" yeah (see what I did there)! I can't take too much credit as the Comfort Wipe is an interesting product and the post basically wrote itself. I'll try and write more about related themes and items, which, just to make sure we're on the same page, means butts, right? Butts, toilet paper, old age, obesity, and possibly even those tennis ball thrower things that people use with dogs? 

Please send questions or comments for future "Failbags" to witzpickz@gmail.com! They can be about a post, about something completely unrelated, or really anything you want me to respond to.

It Took Me Seven Years to Come Up With That,
Witz

*Spell-check has no problem with "rascal-munch."