Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Witz Pickz: Heath Ledger (and more...awkkkkkwaaaard...)

I've been running around getting other things done tonight, but I wanted to make sure to post regarding Heath Ledger's death.

While I wasn't a teenage girl and 10 Things I Hate About You wasn't my favorite fave movie of all timesies, I feel way more bothered by his death than I ought to. Maybe it's because he was 28 and that's not so far off (I somehow assumed he was like 32+), or maybe it's because he has a wife and a kid, but unfortunately, I think it's more so because he was a really good actor and was only making better stuff as he went along. From films like Brokeback Mountain, Ned Kelly, Monster's Ball, and I'm Not There to amazing vocal acting roles like in Lords of Dogtown, Heath Ledger won me over from thinking he was a two-bit teen actor to realizing his actual abundance of talent. I don't know whether he meant to overdose on sleeping pills or if he just wanted some damn sleep and ended up with too many in his system at once, but either way, I will miss his potential and it's a damn shame.


Ok, now let's make fun of cakes-- Kakes actually. Here's what I'm talking about:

Witz DOESN'T Pick: Kathy's Kreative Kakes
I ran into this cake company recently and was baffled by it. Not by the cake aspect and the fact that they make very cool cakes, but by the company itself. I'm a very big fan of Ace of Cakes, and was almost a little surprised to see that another creative cake company existed and was thriving. And more so, how could one attempt to compete against such a cake giant? The answer would soon reveal itself.

You see, what I have to seriously wonder is the glaringly obvious problem with the name of the company. Kathys Kreative Kakes. Because the thing here is that two-thirds of your title is mispelled. It's not like Bagelz With A Z where they tell you exactly what's up, and it's not like Jim's Jungle Jym where the last J is clearly there to keep the flow of the first two. It's not even like Witz Pickz where the second z is lending accent to the first z. It's not like that at all, it's just wrong.

Kathy's Kreative Kakes implies that Kathy is extremely self-absorbed. Kreative is spelled with a C. Kakes is spelled with a C. It's only Kathy who spells her name with a K. If she really wanted to line everything up nicely, she should have just gone with Cathy's Creative Cakes. Nobody would have been any the wiser, and she still would know when people were complimenting her. But instead, she forced the issue. She got an idea somewhere rattlin' up in that batter brain of hers that she could be clever, and she didn't let it go strictly because it wasn't logical, or well-crafted, or really clever at all. So she changed the other letters.

Which brings us to the big awkward part of the show. By manipulating two thirds of the starting letters, Kathy brings even more attention to the fact that her cake company's initials for short are KKK. As My Brooklyn Buddy said, "I don't want to eat at KKK bakery." But let's all take a moment to realize that at some point Kathy had to have been aware of this fact, either by herself or pointed out by someone else. And when that moment came, Kathy HAD to have taken a moment to think, breathed in, and said, "Not a big deal. Let's go with it." That's weird. Because, as Brooklyn Buddy pointed out, who WOULD want to buy cakes from KKK bakery? Welp, racists for one. Anti-Semites for dos. Probably people who hate gay people, if they didn't feel too effeminate purchasing a specialty cake. So I guess that answers my earlier question. How do they compete with Ace of Cakes? I guess they cater to a specialty audience.

The whole thing makes me both confused and pranksterish. Around Halloween, I'm pretty excited to not only order a "ghost" cake, but to see how many other people do too. I wanna see if Kathy even flinches when she hands over the box. I want to know if they make any religious cakes for the church. I hope they make one for Nu Churches that try to be hip. "Yeah, man, make it like, a cross, right, but like, make it badass, you know? Like, yeah, that's it, throw some flames on there man! That's awesome! This cake is so badass, the teenagers are toootally gonna come to church now!" Oh Kathy. You and your Kreativity. So Klever. You're like a Dave Chapelle sketch come to life. And I can't wait until Halloween.

Google: "Kathy's Kreative Kakes Hates Black People" Until It Shows Up In Search Results Like the Aziz Ansari Joke,

1 comment:

JKow said...

My family gets our cars repaired by a guy named Paul Kabilian... who calls his garage "Kabilian Car Kare." Every time I see the sign and wonder how close he was to KKK. If you can't have all the words begin with the same letter, why change one?