Monday, January 21, 2008

Witz Pickz: MLK, Jr. Day, BUT...

....isn't it a little troubling that Martin Luther King, Jr. Day is so awesome because most people get it off from work? I mean, I know in school they teach about MLK, and I know that some schools, primarily private, stay open on MLK Day and have MLK and civil rights or african-american culture based programs, but the fact of the matter is that while Martin Luther King, Jr. was a tremendous figure in the American civil rights movement, we wouldn't necessarily have a day for him if he hadn't been assassinated. After all, it's not called African American Civil Rights Day or Civil Rights Activists Day, it's called Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. And just like many other important and integral historical figures, those who die before they have finished their cause are primarily memorialized. I mean, c'mon, CHRISTMAS? Yeah, exactly. So my concern becomes somewhat obvious.

Since MLK, Jr. Day is so awesome on the whole for people because it's a welcome break from the work week, doesn't this open up a problematic paradigm for the future? I mean, aren't we pseudo-celebrating the day off BECAUSE he was shot, and doesn't that make it horrible? I realize I'm not sitting around today saying, "Good thing MLK was shot," but I am saying, "I'm enjoying this day off," which seems awkward at best. Was James Earl Ray like the guys in The Rock? Was he thinking, "Today they'll call us terrorists, but in time, we'll be called Patriots?" By being psyched about the day off, are we letting the terrorists win?

Also, since America's policy is not to negotiate with terrorists, doesn't this open the door for more situations like this?

"Gimme Monday off!"
"You know we can't do that, it's a busy week!"
"But it's the third monday in april, that's not busy!"
"I'm sorry, I just can't do it..."
"We'll see about THAT (in five to ten years)!"

And then they go ahead and shoot a major activist or political figure. Granted, they'll probably get caught and go to jail where they will either celebrate Anal Rape Day over and over again or ultimately land on death row, but when the third monday in April rolls around years later, they'll be sitting there saying, "Your welcome, effers!" as we all celebrate Al Gore Day or Joel Osteen Day, or even Mitt Romney Day (I wish I was married to Mitt Romney so I could say "Happy Romniversary" every year on our wedding day...of course Mitt would never allow any of that, but still I dream...). It just doesn't quite make sense.

WITZ ALSO PICKZ (in case that last bit was awkward):

Triscuits and Cheese: WILL THIS NEVER GET OLD??

"Hi, my name's Triscuits and I'm delicious and dependable. Also, you can get the reduced fat version of me, and I don't suck! While somewhat overpriced, I'm almost always on sale and I guarentee to give solid taste and satisfaction."

"Well, hello, Triscuits, I'm Cheese--"

"--Oh, I'm well aware..."

"Oh, well great! Then you already know I blend well on the palate with your wheaty grains and combine with your nutrition to give people both delicious taste, full flavor, and quality servings of whole grains and dairy!"

"I DO know that! Now you look like Cheddar Cheese, am I right?"

"While I don't feel entirely comfortable with your racial steretyping, you are absolutely correct in this instance! I am orange cheddar cheese!"

"Ah, I thought so! Sometimes stereotypes are there for a reason. I also know your relatives, Swiss--"

"--Gap Faced Inbreds"

"--Monteray Jack--"

"--Captain Queer, you mean--"


"--Soft Spreading Pansies--"

"--and even White Cheddar!"

"--Aryan Cheds."

"You know, for not liking my stereotyping, you're certainly incredibly racist for a cheese."

"No no no, it's not racist-- it's ok because I'M a CHEESE..."

"Ohhh, now I understand. Well, anyway, now that we both know each other and how enjoyable we are together, let's take the market by storm like we've been doing for so long."

"Yes, and let us never let anyone realize how fucking fat they'll get by eating us."

"Whole grains and dairy! (WINK)"


Eatin' Healthy,

1 comment:

momula said...

I'm starting to understand why I bookmarked this site.... Witz, you say what we're all thinking, but fear saying.... hope you had a good weekend.