Witz DOESN'T Pick:.......nono, period, that's it....

Sorry I haven't picked today-- I probably won't by the time the workday ends so I'll try and double up by writing a few tonight for you guys to feed on tomorrow. I would have picked today, but I spent the last three hours waiting in a FAKE INTERNET LINE TO TRY AND GET COLORADO ROCKIES WORLD SERIES TICKETS. Apparently, the good people of Colorado having very little success, did a miserable job of organizing their online sales. Yesterday, I spent two hours trying before finding out that the entire system crashed and only 500 tickets were sold out of 60,000. Today, they tried again with a new system, only the server is so overpacked and slow, that it's impossible to buy tickets. I have a friend who got into the purchase tickets section five times, and each time, it took so long to load the next page, that it timed itself out of the "holding tickets for 2 minutes while you fill out info" page and had to start over into a horrible mobeus loop. AWFUL. Shouldn't Colorado have known a week ago that they were in the World Series? Shouldn't they have known two weeks and three weeks ago that it was a good possibility? I mean, ya don't wanna jinx it, but that's a bit much, no??? I honestly had nothing against the Colorado Rockies until today-- now I hate them and want the Sox to absolutely destroy them-- hey, this sounds a lot like a "Witz DOESN'T Pick:" doesn't it? Ok, fine-- Witz DOESN'T Pick: Internet Ticket Monstrosities-- oh eff it, AND MORE!"

WITZ PICKZ:

Sabra Hummus: IS AMAZING-- it's smooth and creamy and 6 bucks a tub at Costco. While mostly I don't buy perishables in TUB format, and while I realize that fat people used to get called TUBS, and that eating a tub of hummus makes me a bit of a fat person, I don't care. The deliciousness is too much. Try it with some Stacey's Pita Chips which are also amazing and in bulk at Costco and you'll probably die of deliciousness or heart attack.

Anthony Bourdain - Kitchen Confidential: Travel Channel's "No Reservations" host Anthony Bourdain is a fantastic cook with a great story. In Kitchen Confidential he takes us behind the scenes of restaurants everwhere in a way Aaron Sorkin would find horrifying. It's also an autobiography of sorts, and his narrative with the details and insider's guide to the restaurant biz are really very interesting. Now here's Kitchen Confidential as done by Aaron Sorkin.

Guy: Fucked her in the walk-in.
Guy 2: Ya fucked her in the walk-in?
Guy: Yep, in the walk-in.
Girl: Whattya we got?
Guy 3: The walk-in, you ever been fucked there?
Girl: Is that slang for something?
Guy 2: You tell us.
Girl: I am not, nor have I ever been fucked in the walk-in.
Guy 3: But how do you know if you don't know what it is?
Girl: I think I'd know.
Guy 2: Well, who did you fuck in the walk-in?
Girl: Nobody!
Guy 3: He's talking to Guy."
Guy: It's personal.
Guy 4: (just arriving) What's personal?
Guys 1-3 and Girl: THE WALK-IN!
Guy 4: Sheesh, somebody needs to get laid....

Kitchen Nightmares: Another cook, Chef Ramsey, british and brilliant rips the living shit out of restaurants who hire him to solve their struggling woes. It's redundant and boring after a bit, but it's a nice pick me up when you're down and need a British Chef to get you motivated by forcing cooks to eat their own moldy food.

I've Been In Lines...This Is Not A Line,
Witz