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Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Witz Pickz: Paul Revere, Rolling Rolling Rolling, and Crispix

Tremendous ovation to the Boston Red Sox World Champions for 2007. Pretty amazing. Moving on:

Paul Revere: I have had it with all the Paul Revere slander. Part of my girlfriend's studies include historical perspectives and how important they are. It got me thinking about Paul Revere and how the one main story about Paul Revere is his horseback journey allerting everyone that "the British are coming." But later narratives say that numerous people were riding and spreading the word, and Paul Revere is the only one who got famous from it. Well ya know what? FINE! Fact: Paul Revere road his horse a long way. Fact: Paul Revere got the word out. Fact: Paul Revere has a pretty good Beastie Boys song named after him. LAY OFF PAUL REVERE. Also, going further with the historical perspectives, I thought about how the British must feel about the whole thing. Sure, we were going along getting our defenses up and winning our independence, but the British weren't so psyched. They were like, "Shhuuuuuuutttt uuuuuuuup P-Revs!" But he was like me on rollerblades and was like, "I don't know how to stop!" and kept on riding. And the whole one Old North Church thing with the lamps, I bet they were pretty ripshit about that, too. They probably felt the same way a pitcher does when the runner on second base is stealing signs from the catcher. "One if by land, two if by curveball..." Caught stealing. Taxes, tea...this unnecessary baseball analogy can end now. Anyway, my point is, give Paul Revere a break. The next time you hear someone say, "You know, someone else rode around like Revere did," say, "You know, some people don't think The Holocaust happened," and then wink. Nothing throws people off more than winking.

"Rolling" Events: The Red Sox "Rolling Rally" got me thinking about how useful "Rolling" events are. The Rolling Rally involves all the Sox players on Duck Boats continuously moving through the parade route. Instead of stopping and gathering at the end like most rallies, they celebrate all along the way with a few key hesitation spots where they perform or speak, etc. It works like a charm as I learned in 2004, and this time seemed the same. But what other Rolling events are there? Well, "Rolling" Admissions was pretty sweet. If you had your shit together and/or wanted to get the admissions thing over with, you could apply to college earlier rather than later and find out sooner if you got in. If you did, you didn't have to do any more work on more apps or very much in school at all. If you didn't-- time to get it in gear and try again. Nice barometer. On the other hand, Rolling Rock beer is gross and The Rolling Stones aren't relevant.

Crispix: Still delicious after all these years. I like Crispix for two reasons-- first for the fact that they are tasty, but also for the fact that they were created and cashed in on the "Crispy Cereal" craze of the mid-90's by claiming that they stay crispy in milk. They went so far as the name their product Crisp-ix. And all of this despite the glaring fact that they don't even remotely stay Crispy in milk. The TOP HALF of the cereal stays crispy for a bit since it floats above milk level, but the bottom half gets totally soggy within minutes. But they don't care and neither do we. We still buy it and it's still tasty, if hastily eaten.

Witz Pickz Stays Crispy In Milk, Orange Juice, and The Dead Sea,
Witz

2 comments:

Nick V said...

the book "the tipping point", which is one of those new pop-econ books, has a section about how other people rode around, but paul revere was very well connected to key people in all the towns he rode through, so he made a way better spokesperson than those other guys.

if your cereal gets soggy, you should either eat it faster or use less milk.

Witz said...

I was actually thinking about The Tipping Point while writing that-- interesting book (same with Blink). And I agree entirely-- Paul Revere i.e. PR (coincidence? I think not), was the sticky guy that got people to remember him, so people should stop trying to undermine his glory, clearly there's a reason for it.

Not enough milk ruins even the choicest of cereals and I agree, rather than blame cereal for it's sogginess, stop flipping channels and eat your bowl. You know it's only gonna take you 5 minutes of a show to eat anyway. Take some responsibility.