Witz DOESN'T Pick: Mayan Armageddon Prediction

OK-- so I think by now we've all seen these previews for I Am Legend. Now, while it sounds like a cool band name, and is deliciously grammatically incorrect and mysterious, what the hell is it about? It looks like it's about the last man on Earth, and from what I've gathered, a disease wiped out everyone else. Except for Will Smith of course-- he was too Fresh. But then zombies are in the equation? Animals maybe? I don't know-- the commercials are baffling. I needed more info, and I didn't want to use "reputable sources." So I asked some people at a party and here's what I got:

Apparently, the idea is based on the Mayan calendar. The film is set in 2012. The mayans, who were phenomenal at calendars and astronomy (which didn't work out as well for them as say, being good at guns and looting), have December 21, 2012 as the last day on their calendar. That's 12/21 2012 which seems like it's a palindrome, but actually isn't. 12/21/12 is ALMOST a palindrome, but not quite, so it has nothing to do with that. Allegedly, what it has to do with is the Earth being at the very very center of the Milky Way Galaxy. That is very cool, but I'm not sure what physics forces would then cause us to die. In fact, as I'm not scientifically inclined, my very first thought upon hearing this way, "Whoah-- ya know what would be cool? Going to the very center of the Earth on that day and being at the VERY center of the galaxy!"......Yeah, see, I was thinking like Ecuador or Indonesia...that's not the center of the Earth. The center is far hotter than that, and probably more expensive to get to (but probably fewer diseases-- AHA! Is that a clue?). So the whole thing is supposed to mean that we will all die somehow. Except for Will Smith, again, on account of his level of freshness which rivals that of my deli meats from the local grocer-- oh, let's be honest, he's far fresher than that.

Regardless of why He, Robot survives, let's look at the theory. Mayans pick last day of calendar 12/21/12. Well, here's a little thought on the subject-- I have a calendar....for 2007. Next year, I'll get one for 2008. Calendar companies probably have calendars up until 2015 maybe 2020. My COMPUTER calendar only goes to 2099. So maybe, in the 17th century when the Mayan civilization began its collapse, they didn't feel the need to have a calendar past TWO THOUSAND AND TWELVE. "Hey Erubiel, it's 1645, I've been getting ahead on some calendar making, and I'm three-hundred and sixty seven years ahead. You think that's enough?" YES. It's probably enough. I mean, c'mon, I don't do ANYTHING more than like 2 days in advance. Plane tickets max out my forethought at about a month. What kind of logic is it to say that the Mayan calendar ending predicted the end of the world? No kind of logic at all.

But if we're to believe this idea and the film IS based on it, it should be released on 12/21 2007 right? Unless they want to wait 5 more years, which I'm sure isn't in their minds. So 12/21/2007 it is...right?...NOPE! 12/14 fuckers! DEAL WITH THAT! They couldn't wait the extra week. Independence Day came out on Independence Day. Christmas movies come out a few days before Christmas if not on Christmas itself. But a movie potentially tied into Mayan legend? ONE WEEK EARLY. BAFFLING. You Is Not Legend. You Is Idiots.

I still want to see the movie, and maybe it'll be great. There's also a more than likely chance that whoever told me these things off hand at a party is entirely incorrect. But it all kinda sounds right, and it IS legend, so I guess we'll have to wait and see. And let's all try not to be shocked when Morgan Freeman is ALSO not dead, and potentially narrating.

I Am...Hungry....,
Witz