Witz Pickz: Ultimate Television Lineup!

I wrote one of these a few years back when Witz Pickz was a column in a student newspaper. How far I've come-- now Witz Pickz is an online blog read by...well fewer people probably. That's kind of a downer. But I respect you all so much more. So here's the glorious TV Lineup Post-- just far enough into the seasons that I can tell what's good, but not so far that you can't go back and watch the first episodes online.


SUNDAY:
9pm: Dexter (SHO) -- There can't possibly be a better way to kickoff the week than with Dexter. One of the most brilliantly conceived (by Jeff Lindsay in his books) and executed series on television, Dexter has finally started to blow up all over the place. I won't tell you what it's about if you don't already know, because finding out is half the fun. Since nobody gets Showtime, check this out on iTunes, or download it. SO GOOD.

9pm: Family Guy (FOX) -- ...is still hilarious. You know what it is. Watch it.

10pm: Curb your Enthusiasm (HBO) -- Has put up a terrific season thus far. Unlike some of the seasons which wavered and had some annoying episodes (where everyone blames Larry for things that nobody in real life would blame someone for), this season has been packed with laughs and some great new characters.

MONDAY:
8pm: How I Met Your Mother (CBS) -- There's not much on Monday nights, but if you have to watch something at eight, you might as well watch How I Met Your Mother, which was amusing the few times I saw it and I wholeheartedly support Jason Segul (Slackers, Undeclared, Knocked Up).

9pm: Heroes (NBC) -- The second season has more twists, more characters, and more of the same X-Men ripoff that Season One had. PLUS, Kristen Bell (Veronica Mars) got signed on, so that's great.

10pm: Weeds (SHO) -- Topping off Mondays is the show nobody watches live. I still don't know more than one or two people with Showtime, but hey, that's why downloading and iTunes exists. Pickup the newest episodes of Weeds on Tuesdays. It's gotten better with time, and this season really is more interesting and amusing than ever.

TUESDAY:

9pm: House (FOX) -- Hugh Laurie is still solving Medical Mysteries the way Sherlock Holmes solved Regular Mysteries. I love it. I went back and watched Season 3 on DVD and it was great. The 3 fellowship people are gone in Season Four and he has to get a whole new group to help him out. It's a credit to the show and to the viewers that they feel ok doing this. The new group is promising and Hugh Laurie is still brilliantly acting. I swear the show used to be called House MD, but I guess they dropped the MD in the way bands drop the (A) or (The) before their name or people drop last names.

WEDNESDAY:

8pm: Pushing Daisies (ABC) -- This show might take a grain of salt to get into, but it's entirely worth it for the dialogue. The show is narrated and shot like a fairy tale, with a hint of Amelie, but with a whole lot of attitude and wit. Quips abound, amusing narrative devices and interactions, and fast paced witty writing keep the show interesting, even if some of the happier moments are a bit cheesy and overdone. The writers are well aware of this issue, however, as they always have a cynical character present for any moment that is too "fairy tale ending." Also, the show has the "I don't have a pen..." guy from Heatvision and Jack. AWESOME (but you probably don't know what that is).

9pm: Kitchen Nightmares (FOX) -- Going along the angry British people theme, Fox made an American version of the Gordon Ramsey show still airing on BBC. Starring Gordon Ramsey the brilliant, passionate, and extremely angry chef from Hell's Kitchen, the show has run down abominations of restaurants use Gordon as a consultant to get the place back in working condition. Along the way, Ramsey screams, swears, and insults his way to success. It gets redundant after a few episodes, but your other options are Private Practice, possibly the worst spin off show in years, and Josh Schwartz's new project, Gossip Girl, which is like The OC, but without any wit, quirk, or good soundtrack. (Note: A lot of you are probably wondering, "But wait, doesn't that mean he's SEEN Gossip Girl??" to which I reply, I'd do anything for you readers, even sit through an episode or two of a bad show on The CW brutalizing the talents of Kristen Bell).

10pm: Dirty Sexy Money (ABC) -- Losing steam as it goes on, DSM to fans (or bloggers who don't want to write it out all the time) is just a decently solid show with some good cinematography and interesting characters. It's purposefully a bit over the top, but with Peter Krauss and Donald Sutherland holding down the cast, along with some good young actors and the chick from The OC (Anna) and Entourage (Ari's first assistant who dates Eric), it's pretty good acting too. And for my disgruntled fans of a previous DSM post, The Baldwin Brother does the job well.

THURSDAY:

8pm: Survivor China (CBS) -- I'm not just writing this because I blog about it on tvfodder.com....seriously....I'm not...

8:30pm: 30 Rock (NBC) -- Funnier and funnier. Tracy Morgan found his role. Alec Baldwin found his role. NBC better keep it going another season or two.

9pm: The Office (NBC) -- I'm wondering how long The Office can keep it up. Eventually, it's going to get bad and how many seasons can it seriously last? Each week they put up solid comedy and they managed to get Pam and Jim together without jumping the shark. Oh-- you didn't know about that? Get over it, it's just a comedy, the plot's not important. Unfortunately, NBC has plans for a spinoff show, which I can't imagine not being terrible. It would be a spinoff of a show that was an American version of a BBC program. Don't do it (unless they want to use my show about telemarketers as the spinoff-- which would be perfect incidentally...-- then it'd be ok)

FRIDAY:

9pm: (NBC) Friday Night Lights -- They basically gave up the goods in the first season since they didn't know if they'd be back, but keep FNL alive by at least TiVo-ing it. Please? Go Panthers.

SATURDAY:

There's no good tv on Saturdays. Don't even bother.

LEFT OUT:

Entourage -- Not currently airing new episodes, but obviously great
Flight of the Conchords -- Hit and miss, but not airing new episodes either
Grey's Anatomy -- Seriously, it's not a good show. You know it. I know it. We watch it. Fine.
Moonlight -- Vampire detective with Shannon Sossymon and Logan from Veronica Mars in it? Worth a shot. (FRI @ 9 on CBS)

I will repost this with links and such later today. Maybe a few more jokes, who knows? It's a living organism, this internets.

I'm Gonna Make A Show Called Crack And Have It Be About A Drug Dealer Who Sells Crack While Bending Over A Lot With Low Cut Jeans, And People Will Be Like, "Yo, It's So Funny When You Watch It While On Crack!",
Witz