Friday, September 07, 2007


In an amazing coincidence of circumstances, the google ad for Witz Pickz right now says, "Meet Gay Bear Singles: Meet Local Gay Bears Near You. 100% Free to signup." I'm laughing really hard for so many reason.

A) I'm questioning Google adwords for their logic and monitoring.

B) I'm worried that Google adwords is correct and that there actually is somebody paying them to advertise a gay bears singles website.

C) I want to click on it, but don't know what road it will lead me down or where that road might haunt me in the future.

D) In a less literal sense, it's calling the Chicago Bears gay.

E) In a more literal sense, they want me to signup to meet gay bears-- WHO ARE SINGLE.

F) They are not going to charge me to signup! I don't know about you, but if I"m a dude who needs to meet gay bears on the internet (apparently I don't have the social grace to meet them in person, or to find them in my area), I'm probably ok with paying a little bit. Or is it only free to SIGN UP, but once I meet the Gay Bear of my dreams, they're gonna charge me like crazy? I'll already be in too deep to say no (or my mouth will say no, but my wallet will say yes).

G) Does this mean that Paddington Bear was gay? Almost definitely, right? He wore a bright yellow rainhat everywhere and a long raincoat, but no pants. He was totally non-threatening and generally lived a sad and lonely life-- or at least a life of solitude and contentment.

H) What's the testing like with these animals. I mean, I don't want to stereotype, but for all I know diseases are running rampant through the gay bear population and I don't even know where I'd begin explaining to my parents that I got HIV from a slutty internet bear. "Oh, and it was a guy bear, too, by the way-- that's right, I'm gay for brown bears. And one night ruined the rest of my life, but you know what Mom and Dad? I don't care-- because I'm in love! That's right-- I've fallen for Ronald Ruxpin and that's that!"

I) Oh my god, "Teddy"?? "Teddy"?? How did I miss this.

J) Am I expected to pay for all of the dates with the gay bear single just because it doesn't exist in the same socio-economic world that I live in? If we can't handle something simple like splitting a check, how are we supposed to handle more difficult situations later on in life, like adopting children, or keeping me entertained during hibernation season?

K) I can't wait to find out how many hits my page gets from stray keyword searches because of this one.

SWM seeks SPB for dating and some fun-- picinic baskets provided,

P.S. There's another post below this one from today, so that out too. I probably won't post again until Tuesday...


WitzPickz said...

HAHAhAhAHAHAHAH! Ohhhh my god-- I went to it. Here:


P.S. hahahahah....hahahahHAHAHAHAH

IrishGal said...

Why you gotta hate on Paddington? Way to ruin some cherished childhood memories.

But yeah, no pants. That was weird.

Nick said...

in gay circles, bears are middle aged fat hairy guys. apparently some people like that. check out bear force one for some more hahas

WitzPickz said...


I now know the truth-- but am so glad I didn't beforehand.