Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Witz Pickz: Extension Cords and Life Metaphors

Extension cords are tremendous. They are such a simple thing, but they allow freedom. They allow you to put things wherever you want in a room, regardless of if there's a socket there. They open up sockets for MORE electronics-- you can put two microwaves on ONE extension cord and then wonder at why in the hell you would ever have or need TWO MICROWAVES. BUT you can have them and use them and pretend that the one extension cord is like the lifeline, or the society of microwaves-- and if the microwaves don't behave properly (i.e. make you soggy bagel bites), you can pull that one cord out of the wall and pretend that you have just made your microwave colony extinct. You bastard.

Anyway, while I understand and lavish on the brilliance of extension cords, I never have one when I need one, but I always think I do. Somehow, at some point in my life, I realized that whenever I needed an extension cord and said the phrase, "Does anyone have an extension cord?" the answer was always "Yes, I think I do somewhere!" And without fail, I would end up with an extension cord. And so the other day when I needed to put something further away from a socket, I said, "I'll just get an extension cord," but I didn't have one. I searched everywhere, certain I had a bag of extension cords that have followed me from place to place, coast to coast, apartment to apartment. And yet I couldn't find it. Which resulted in my bafflement and ultimately, my not putting that thing quite so far away. Because here's another thing: I will never buy an extension cord.

I will never buy an extension cord nor do I know anyone who has ever bought an extension cord (no one has ever purchased or discussed the tobe purchased-ing of one in my presence). It's the type of thing I assume doesn't happen anymore. Back in 1950, a slew of extension cords must have been sold and the market was so inundated that they are no longer required on shopping lists. Everybody simple seems to HAVE one. Or KNOW somebody who HAS one. Buying an extension cord is like admitting you are alone in this world. You have no friends to help you out and you can't even talk to your neighbors. It is a fact that no two people who know each other need to use an extension cord at the same time-- if one exists, it will inevitably be available for use when needed. It must be tough times for extension cord dealers (and it's not like they have a lack of material to hang themselves with). And still, I will never buy an extension cord. It will not occur to me, nor will I see it reasonable to go to a store and purchase one. It is simply something that ought to exist.

This is how my life (and plenty of people I know) operates. I have a good idea (I want to put X there) and I think that people will want my idea, but it requires an extension cord. I could go to the store and acquire one, possibly having to go to several stores or compare various cords, but I won't. I expect that extension cord to be there already. To be in my closet, on my shelf, or in my car, waiting for me to need it. So that when I need it, when I have an idea and want to put something somewhere else-- when I want that freedom-- I can go over and acquire it without any hassle. I expect that extension cord to be mine by right, or at least, be mine because I deserve it for such a good idea I had of placing X over there (let's be honest, X probably equals two microwaves vying for supremacy in a bagel bite cooking competition). And even as my parents recount tales of how they had to go to the store to buy the extension cords themselves so that we could have extension cords, and our children can have extension cords, I see it as ridiculous. Why would I possibly want to go to the store for an extension cord, when there must be one around here somewhere?

Sometimes Metaphors That Work TOO Well Actually DON'T Quite Work,

P.S. I'm going to be out of town for about five days, so the posts might drop off, but be sure to check back in by the 12th if they do!


Anonymous said...

hey its tara, here is the website i was talking about where i made the extra summer cash.......... the website is here

wonderyak said...

When you do eventually go to purchase your own extension cord (and believe me: you will. You may say you won't, but like Fleet Enema kits and soluble fiber supplements, there will come a day when you simply must purchase one) you will encounter an entirely new battle: three-pronged vs. two-pronged. Whichever one you need will be the one that no store within 50 miles will have (except, of course, the store that is JUST A BLOCK AWAY, but closed for renovation). I speak from experience on this one.

WitzPickz said...

Actually, wonderyak, if I ever need one in the future, I will just email YOU and get one from YOU! HAHA! I BEAT THE SYSTEM!

IrishGal said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
IrishGal said...

I gotta go with wonderyak on this one: Witz, you will eventually cave and purchase an extension cord. Maybe it's because you'll be a single woman pushing 30 who doesn't know the neighbors and lives in a 1930's studio apartment with only three outlets to support your TV, DVD, iPod stereo, desk lamp, modem, computer, monitor, speakers, printer, paper shredder, battery charger, lamp, cell phone charger, nightstand lamp, and carbon monoxide detector.

Or not.