Witz Pickz: A Friday Medley

It is entirely unclear on day 70-something (kinda) of my time here in California (and non-jobness) how Mikey from Swingers made any money. Sure, he was the host of an open mic in Hollywood-- that doesn't pay anything-- and as far as I can tell, he NEVER WENT! So yeah, maybe it's sunny here all the time (all 70 something days so far) like the movie says, and that's good, but how did Mikey live without any income?? Baffling. But it's almost the weekend, and that means one thing-- I feel completely at ease not working right along with the rest of the world. Here's some pickz:

Addendum From Yesterday's Pick: Linkin Park - Bleed It Out: I originally thought there were four pop songs that I was ashamed of, and couldn't remember the fourth one yesterday. Well, then I heard it on he radio again and it all came shamefully flooding back. Linkin Park's new track Bleed It Out is pop-alternative glory. I know what you're gonna say, you're gonna say, "Linkin Park Witz!! You've gone too far! Even YOU can't have fallen this hard!" But to you I can only quote Linkin Park themselves when I say, "Shut up when I'm talking to you, shut up," because this song is GOOD. I think it's primarily good and sneaky pop because it is really poorly produced. Like, I get the feeling that the record company didn't wnat to produce it, so they made it in their basement and then leaked it onto myspace only to find out, it was a huge hit. So it SOUNDS independent, which is weird. Then, there is some rapping that sounds pretty mediocre, but it works before hitting the chorus which is a rolling, rhythmic, melodic chanting that sounds a whole lot like old Against Me! only cleaner. Also, the guitar riffs and the vocals are...brighter? It's almost cheery in a way, even though it isn't. Plus, I'm a sucker for a chanting song, so I got drawn in before I knew who it was and now I can't get out. They only have a 30 second clip on myspace, so it might be tough to hear, but I'm sure it's on your local alternative rock station about 50 times a day. Listen, you just might understand. I am, however, forever, shamed.

Molten Chips Ahoy Sandwhiches: If I've learned one thing over the years, it's that if you add the word "molten" to any description, people will think it's delicious. This invention IS delicious, and molten in a sense, although people usually assume molten means chocolate-- and in that, you would be wrong. You see, last night, I was over at My Friend With A Pool's apartment, hanging out (not in the pool), when all of a sudden he asks if I like Chewy Chips Ahoy. Not being bat shit crazy, I replied, "Of course I do, they are phenomenal," and half-assumed we had started acting out some After School Special skit about the "Trouble-maker" kids who don't like cookies and smoke meth instead. BUT THEN SOMETHING ELSE OCCURRED! He asked if I liked them WITH PEANUT BUTTER! You see, the PB and the Cooks were right next to each other on the shelf, almost magical in coincidence, and he realized that might be amazing. To which I realized that it would only be made more potentially delicious by making it MOLTEN. So we melted the PB, slapped it on a cookie, both immediately realized it had to be a cookie-which, slapped on the top cookie (they're tiny, lay off us), and ate it-- WOOOO! We win, people, we win. Now, I realize that at the time this seemed really really fat of us. And in retrospect, with the lens of my writing craft, I realize that it was even fatter of us than we might have thought. BUT, they were delicious, and frankly, we probably ate fewer cookies because of the peanut butter, so again, lay off us and try it yourself. I never ever ever intended for my girlfriend to find out about my consuming of this dessert, but it's so good I had to let the deliciousness out of the bag. I mean, it's freaking MOLTEN, people.

Quadruple H: I wasn't and am not a big wrestling fan, but I knew the existence of Triple H and his apparent goodness in the ring. And since everyone else only had one H or X or Stone or Rock, it appears the H's might have been the source of his power. So why didn't somebody become Quadruple H and take Triple H down. I mean, once you are in the WWE and named Quadruple H, you a) clearly have to fight Triple H and then b) you'd logically have to defeat Triple H, setting up a rematch in which, AGAINST ALLLLL ODDDS, TRIPLE H manages to defeat Quadruple H despite the obvious handicap of ONE H. It would have been the match of the century and would have turned already popular Triple H into a good guy hero figure. Too bad.

Sorry Loverboy, Not EVERYBODY'S Working For the Weekend,
Witz