Friday, September 01, 2006

Witz Makes the Tough Pickz: Heroin or Crack?

Ooph-- tough break, you stumble into an alley one night after clubbing and get assaulted by two gigantic dudes, each with a gun in one hand and a drug in the other. One guy has heroin and the other has crack and if you don't try one, they'll shoot you (they're just lonely drug addicts tryin' to make a new friend). Which one do you pick? Heroin? Crack? I'll give you the information you need to make the right decision-- and as always, I'll do it by exclusively using The Wickipedia.

Heroin: More commonly known as diacetylmorphine, heroin is a highly addictive drug that people are able to develop a tolerance for more quickly than other drugs. This results in a) having to pay for more and more heroin, and b) dying from a massive overdose! Heroin was invented at St. Mary's Hospital Medical School in Britain in 1874 by C.R. Alder Wright (The CRAW to his mind-blown groupies). Up through 1910, heroin was marketed as a morphine substitute, PLUS, a cough medicine for kids! "Mom, i'm feeling kinda sick..."...."Here ya go, son, shoot this heroin."..."Fiiine, I'll get the tie-off."

In reality, heroin can be taken all sorts of ways. When taken orally, it has the same effects as morphine. Same goes for when you smoke it or snort it, and usually the effects kick in within 15 minutes. When taken intravenously via A NEEDLE, however, the drug gives, "a rush and euphoria within 7 to 8 seconds." (The Wickipedia) Gee...which one sounds more enjoyable/dangerous...

Withdrawal syptoms for heroin can start within six hours depending on tolerance and dependency and among all the usual issues (nauseau, aching, fever, sweating, goos bumps) heroin boasts a unique symptom called "itchy blood."

So here's heroin:

What: Euphoria
How: snorting, eating, smoking, or best via A FUCKING NEEDLE!!!
Who: Rock Stars, homeless people
Cool Nick Names: chiva, dope, diesel, skag, smack, black tar, horse, junk, jenny, brown sugar, dark, and H.

Crack: Crack-- short for crack cocaine, but referred by most street hustlas as "Coc-H+Cl– + NaHCO3 → Coc + H2O + CO2 + NaCl" is a cheap form of cocaine. Basically, the chemical reactions are that of cocaine, only they are cut more impure with more household items, and result in a more toxic, less "pure" high. Nicknamed "Crack" because of the noise the water makes when it is boiling the substance, the drug is popular because it "offers a strong cocaine experience in small, low-priced packages (wikipedia 2006)," which coincides entirely with the reason I enjoy midgets! You can buy crack in nickel bumps, dime rocks, boulders, and even slabs if you have a valid costco membership card. As The Wikipedia states, "Crack cocaine was extremely popular in the mid- and late 1980s in a period known as the Crack Epidemic." Crack is both popular AND an epidemic. That's similar to how AIDS is pretty popular these days, and the Tween Epidemic is sweeping America.

Crack can be freebased and inhaled or smoked out of a pipe that is affectionately called a "Crack pipe." This allows for a relationship to be formed between the pipe and the owner, allowing for emotional connections and naming to take place. What will you name your crack pipe if you go down this road? Don't name it "Sweet Delicious" though-- that's what I call mine. When taken, crack usually is felt immediately and the effects only last between five and fifteen minutes. As for the effects, "The initial signs of stimulation are hyperactivity, restlessness, increased blood pressure, increased heart rate and euphoria. The euphoria is sometimes followed by feelings of discomfort and depression and a craving to experience the drug again. Sexual interest and pleasure can be amplified. Side effects can include twitching, paranoia, and impotence, which usually increases with frequent usage (wikipedia)." WOOO! Now we're talkin! Euphoria and twitching/paranoia? Fuck yeah crack! But don't let me sway you-- here's the lowdown:

What: Euphoria, paranoia, twitching, discomfort, impotence
How: Freebase/Pipe Smoking
Who: (crack)Whores, (crack)Heads, Lil John.
Cool Nicknames: rock, and when mixed with other substances while smoked: "hype", "shake and bake",a "turbo" "SnowCaps", "B-151er", a "cocoapuff", a "dirty" a "woo", or "geeking."

So those are the facts unlucky drug-buddy in the alley. It's a tough call, but in the end you'll have to make a decision or it's all over for you. In this unique instance, life ends unless your drug life begins. So get excited! There's a lot to offer in these two little wonders, built on toxins and addiction, but also on community, caring, and sharing-- uhp-- but don't share your heroin needles!

So which does Witz Pick? Well, it's a really tough decision. But under the circumstances, and putting my personal fear of needles aside, Heroin it is! The euphoria and rock star life sets it apart from the easy-going free-wheeling crack whore lifestyle which crack takes pride in. It'd also be better to die and have people say, "He OD'd on heroin" than "He died in a pile of his own excretions, begging for one last nickel bump of some shake and bake....He also liked soccer." So it was a tough one, but heroin wins out. Witz has made the tough pick-- but what would YOU choose?

Crack Goes Great With Witz's Breakfast Blitz,


Anonymous said...

would using both br an option. nothingcompares to a good speeball. IVed of coarse

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately I chose to be a crackwhore.