Witz Pickz: Continuing the Toothpaste Discussion

Hopefully I'll give you more than just this today, but if not, let's just be happy for continuing learning, TV on DVD's, and white meat.

In response to yesterday's toothpaste post, I received a chat from....let's go with D From the SEA. D From the SEA said "They actually did package toothpaste in a stand-up pump dispenser at one point." Followed by, "I want to say Aquafresh was the industry leader in that particular packaging experiment." This is DOUBLY AWESOME!

First of all, the fact that this happened at all restores my faith in the human spirit, while at the same time crushing my human spirit, because my potentially good, creative idea is old news. But thank goodness this was attempted! Toothpaste is a pest-- we don't want to use it, we HAVE to use it. It's gloopy, sticky, and if it has baking soda in it (oh crap, I forgot about that yesterday-- which category does WITH BAKING SODA! fall under?? Is that better or worse than EXTRA GLIMMER SHEEN!), it's salty too. And now we know that it can't be manipulated to our every command-- but that's no reason to stop trying. The glory of the Human Mind is that we will always think of new ideas and new ways to fail. Sometimes we succeed, and when we do, we call that time "Thanksgiving." Our battles with Toothpaste are the epitome of our culture as humans, and as long as we keep trying new things, we cannot lose.

Second of all, OF COURSE Aquafresh was the company that attempted the pump. Aquafresh is the most creative name in toothpaste. It's not just the paste pump, but the Fresh Stripe, the Silver Rocket Tube, the low low prices...and although they haven't always been the best quality, they've certainly tried hard to be creative. The Witz Gal (meaning my girlfriend, not my sister-- so technically she's not the WITZ Gal, but more like Witz's Gal, but that's kinda possessive, no? But we're not married, and even if we were, she might not take the Witz name and all, so that's a big question mark, so really Witz shouldn't even be in that moniker, except it is now, so forget about it, you get the idea), describes Aquafresh as, "The LA Gear of toothpastes." I don't think anything could be more accurate, but the difference is that she means it as a negative thing, and all I can do is think back and remember wearing about 10 different pairs of black LA Gear high tops (LA Lights anyone???). Sure, their version of the pumps broke in about 5 minutes, and sure, they WERE cheap, and easily ruined, and ultimately disappointing, but they were also CREATIVE and that's what I remember. If I can get orange-striped toothpaste in a Silver Rocket Tube for A DOLLAR-- I'm sold.

Page France -- ...And the Family Telephone: is another great album in the line of recent albums using ellipses in the title. Say Anything...Is A Real Boy. Others I Can't...Think Of. It's also really good indie/country stuff. Lots of instruments, lots of styles, all thrown together for a really enjoyable sound.

Conversations With Other Women: I finally got around to seeing this last night and enjoyed it. It's shot entirely in split screen, but usually the two sync up and when they don't, one of the panels is used for good effect. Basically, a man (Aaron Eckhart) and a woman (Helena Bonham-Carter) meet at a wedding and a conversation/night ensues. You find out more about who these people are and what their relationship is to each other, and the story revolves around whether or not they will have sex. Interestingly, this is not really the biggest focal point, and it's not all that much of a mystery. What's interesting is the relationship and the conversation and how they both evolve. It is extremely well done, and I only got bored at a few moments when the conversation seemed a little over done and no plot had really unfolded in a while. It's only 85 minutes long, and the music is terrific. They used 3 songs by French singer Carla Bruni (who I totally Pick) and one song by Rilo Kiley ("Ripchord"), all of which leant a great deal of emotion and guidance to the film. Definitely worth checking out. It's not nearly as depressing as I thought it would be, even though it kinda is.

Don't Forget To Download The Podcast Tomorrow,
Witz

Witz Pickz: Toothpaste.

That's right-- toothpaste. And I'll tell ya why (what if one day I just DIDN'T tell you why-- I just said it was so)-- because they just don't give a damn.

For years, YEEEEARS, people have complained about the toothpaste tube and how it gets stuck at the bottom, and you have to roll it up, etc, etc. And have toothpaste manufacturers responded at all? NOPE! Toothpaste containers have not advanced AT ALL in the last fifty years (at least). No amount of complaints, jokes, or quips will make them budge. They know they have the market cornered, and as long as everyone sticks together, there won't be the need for any changes. But would it really be that difficult to fix? Couldn't toothpaste come in a pump like soap? Wouldn't that solve all problems? I'm gonna find out the next time I empty out a soap container. It might be incredibly difficult to get the toothpaste in there, and yeah, maybe it'll clog up the pump, but if it works, I'm gonna be rich. See how often I post THEN! I mean-- on to other things.

The other and more important reason I choose Toothpaste, is that they seem to have no oversight whatsoever. They slap on whatever the hell they want onto a package and get people to buy it for all kinds of reason. "WHITENING!" "CAVITY PROTECTION" "TARTAR CONTROL!" they boast. "EXTRA WHITE!" "SPARKLE SHINE!" "MINTY SPARKLE!". They all mean essentialy the same thing, "We're gonna clean your teeth now." But they find millions of ways to say it. "ADVANCED WHITENING" shouldn't exist at the same time as "WHITENING." Once the advancement of technology has been made, it's time to let the old stuff go. But everytime I go to buy toothpaste, I have to make the decision between "Advanced Whitening, Whitening, Extra Whitening, Sparkle Shine White" and on and on. Can we get a chart on the progression of "Advanced, Extra, Ultra, Super, Premium," when it comes to whitening and control? And then I see, "Tartar Control" glaring at me from down on the shelf, forgotten. Well, I still want tartar control right? I can't just let it run free. And I probably stick want Cavity Protection-- I mean, it IS toothpaste right? But then there are ones that say, "Advanced Whitening with Tartar Control." Doesn't the act of brushing teeth CONTROL TARTAR? Isn't that how it works? And if something is "With Tartar control" or "With Cavity Protection" does that mean the quality of the secondary promise is less than the initial promise of whitening? Grammatically, I fear it's subtleties and lack of clarification. But at the same time, I do respect it, because we don't know shit about shit when it comes to toothpaste, or teeth, or dentistry. When people come close to learning the secrets (aka becoming Dentists), the toothpaste people secretly kill them and make it look like suicides. THAT'S why dentists have the highest "suicide" rate. And you have to respect and Pick a product that has such commitment to itself.

Union Trade, The -- Now the Swell: Check these guys out on myspace.com/theuniontrade. They are kinda like Explosions in the Sky and The Album Leaf with a little bit of southern accented vocals every now and then. Good stuff.

Advancedly White,
Witz