Thursday, July 13, 2006

Witz Makes the Tough Pickz: Hiroshima or Nagasaki?

I've decided to make the tough call between Hiroshima and Nagasaki once and for all. Which city is better both historically and today? I have also decided that to make this decision, I will utilize only The Wickipedia.

Gets way more press than Nagasaki, while simultaneously being mispronounced more. It was the FIRST city ever to be subjected to nuclear warfare, so that's something. It's on the delta of the Ota River which means there is some good, fertile earth in the region, however, said bombing might have voided that benefit. Still, delta's are very good, unless they are the type of plane that crashes or have the last name Burke. Unfortunately, it is on land which is almost entirely flat and at sea level, meaning one tsunami and Hiro-see-ya-later. It is the capital of Hiroshima Prefecture, but that's like saying Bill Nye is president of the Bill Nye Club.

Currently, Hiroshima is the only city in Japan with an active streetcar system, thanks to streetcar donations after WWII-- think yule log at Christmas. I do like the image of hundreds of Japanese cities all bringing streetcars as presents and looking around embarrassed at each other when they realize what they did. Finally, Hiroshima is apparently known for its version of okonomiyaki which is referred to a "Hiroshima Pancake." Not only the move that Yoko Zuna used against Bret Hart at Wrestlemania eight, Hiroshima Pancakes are a type of food which I can't imagine anyone seriously considering ordering. That's like ordering the Waco Omellette (lots of meat and ketchup inside), or ordering a Hurricane from a bar in New Orleans.

Literally meaning, "Long Peninsula" Nagasaki is well hung, but often given second class citizen status. It is the capital of Nagasaki Prefecture, which is a lot like saying, Fuck your Hiroshima Club, Nagasaki is the president of the Nagasaki CLUB! Nagasaki got rocked by Jesus during the Medieval Era, but had feudal lords which is always cool. US Commodore Matthew Perry (of Friends) landed there in 1853 and made Nagasaki reopen its doors for trade.

Now here's the clincher-- pro or con I don't know yet: Nagasaki was the subject of a 1928 pop-song written by Mort Dixon. Here's a quote from the wickipedia, "The lyrics today are enjoyed for their ludicrous incongruity and their lack of political correctness. The song asserts: 'Hot ginger and dynamite/There's nothing but that at night/Back in Nagasaki/Where the fellers chew tobaccy/And the women wicky wacky woo.'" Wicky Wacky Woo, indeed.

So which does Witz Pick? Tsunami Fun Park or Eastern Jesus Playplace? It's a tough call, but in the end, I think I have to pick Hiroshima. Yes, Hiroshima's streetcar system really works for me, as does its delta with what I can only assume is packed with riverboat/delta-boat casinos. Nice try Nagasaki. Better luck next time.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I don't know, it's hard to resist the Wicky Wacky Woo! Had my toe a tappin'!