Monday, January 08, 2007

WitzPickz: YOU!

That's right! YOU! After reading Time Magazine's Person of the Year article, I decided that while I've picked all sorts of things in the last year, I haven't picked the one thing which according to some philosophers proves my own existence-- my readers. If you stare really hard at the image on the side here, you will see that you are actually what I picked*

Now that i've picked you, leave some comments so I know that someone is actually reading my blog. This is called "feedback", but casually referred to as "shout outs," "props," or sometimes even, "blatant and unnecessary ego boosting." I want to know my readers, communicate with them, and then track them down individually and watch them while they sleep.

Leaving a comment is the first step towards this mutually awkward relationship.


As I thank you for the last year, we move on to the next, and so I decided to pick my New Year's Resolution because if there's one thing nobody actually means, it's these. It is for this reason that my resolution this year is: To Do My Best To Stick To Future Resolutions. That's right, I'm resolving to resolve in the future. While this might sound like a total cop-out, it is actually quite brilliant. You see, every year I make a resolution and then say, "meh, nobody's holding me to that one..." you know these resolutions; when you don't feel like doing those situps, when you figure why not watch 6 hours of television tonight? When you say you're gonna eat better, but then at Thanksgiving gravy suddenly becomes soup. Hot Fudge Shortage strikes the East Coast-- Failed Resolution To Blame. That type of thing. Well now with this new resolution to try harder on future resolutions, I have two layers of defense. In the future, when I resolve to make it in professional arm wrestling, I can't just quit after my first defeat to an elderly yet suprisingly spry grandmother. "It's just this year's resolution" i'll think, but then will remember that it is also LAST year's resolution. That's two levels of legitimacy instead of one.

Think of it as laying a groundwork for the future. Perhaps next year I'll make another structural resolution to even more solidify this year's. If the Iraq War has taught us anything, it is that infrastructure is king (but not the kind of king that gasses his own people), and we must therefore lay a strong infrastructure for our own future. It is an "ally-oop" resolution-- This year I am simply throwing the ball in the air, but over the next year, three, years, ten years, I will be slamming down the resolutions-- food, tv, drinking, dual handguns, fear of Popples. There is no telling how much I might be able to improve my life simply due to this year's resolution Resolution.

What Else Ya Got Witz?

I rode on a train to and from NYC over the last few weeks and man are those puppies useful. They drive it for you, you pay not all that much money, and you get to hear babies crying for free! Most car-rides i'm thinkin' "Yeah, sure the smooth tunes of David Tesh are groovin', but where the hell are the sounds of babies crying?" The answer it turns out is, "on the train!"

World Trade Center
The movie. I don't pick it so much as not not pick it. I had loads of problems with this movie being made, "it's too soon/why is this necessary/Oliver Stone" but I ended up renting it recently just to have done that and see what it was like and was actually fairly pleasantly surprised-- like when you think you shat in a trashcan in a dream with the whole office watching and then wakeup and realize that you didn't do that, but then think that you might have shat your bed instead only to realize (hope of all hopes) that you actually just have to go take a crap. Anyway, the movie was kinda like that-- it was alright, Nicholas Cage really can't hold an accent (I recently saw him in Captain Corelli's Mandolin and every word he said with an Italian accent sounded like, "It's a-ME, Maario!"), but I was taken in, liked the way it was shot, AND IT HAD A SLAMMIN SOUNDTRACK (not really). My favorite part, however, was the 24 connection. Mike "The Skeaze" Novick played one of the Port Authority Police Higher Ups by barely adjusting his face, and out of NOWHERE came Curtis "I swear I'm in this show" as a random guy who shows up and does stuff (yeah, i forgot most of the film already). Anyway, it's alright, and if you're bored, I guess go check it out.

World War Z:
Amazing book from the author of The Zombie Survival Guide. In World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War, author Max Brooks describes the Zombie War (which just occurred) through a series of interviews and accounts. The book gets into every issue imaginable, from global commerce, to racism, to pop culture, while keeping the reader glued to the page to see how this all ended up happening. It is a parable with zombies and that's exactly what we need right now.

Coffee Coolattas:
Every time I return to the east coast and have a coolatta I remember how I could gain more weight in a hurry. Absolutely delicious.

Happy New Yearz,

*this is not at all the case-- while mirrors are entirely capable of reflecting images, PICTURES of mirrors do not have these properties. If you are actually staring at the mirror, in the hopes of seeing either yourself or some sort of Jesus/Che image if you stare hard enough and then look at a blank wall, I am sorry. It is only a picture.


Sarasaur said...

Here's a shout out for ya! May your new year be Popple free.

Thomas J. Brown said...

Props to my dog. And you, I guess.

Dave Metz said...

Commenting now in support of the WitzPickz Drive...