Friday, May 16, 2008

Witz Pickz: Friday (May 16, 2008 -- I Can Only Assume There Will Be More Fridays I Pick...)

If you could see me right now, you'd see the wild look of a man who has three DVD's overdue from the library-- and just doesn't care. It's a look you may or may not recognize, but it's there all the same, two parts nothing to lose, one part other things to worry about. I've renewed them once. I've renewed them twice. Now I'm at my limit. I'm at the edge.

And it's not even like it's difficult to return the DVD's. They're sitting on my half-stack bookcase, piled up, just sitting there. Moonlighting. That's not what they're doing, that's what they are. Moonlighting, with Bruce Willis and Cybil Shepperd. If you could see my eyes right NOW, you'd see the wild look of a man who doesn't really care how to properly spell "Cybil Shepperd" and isn't going to take the time to look it up. What's sad is that I never truly intended on WATCHING Moonlighting, at least not while I had the DVD's rented. No, I intended to copy them, to actually take a free product from the library (a product that is almost ALWAYS on the shelf, incidentally) and illegally reproduce it on my computer to watch at a later date-- because clearly I want to watch this show enough to copy and own it, but there just wasn't time in THREE WEEKS to sit down and watch even one minute of the show. And in my heart of hearts, I already know that I won't even copy them before I eventually return them overdue. So what am I left with? Fines.

Ya know that Johnny Cash song about where he's been? "I've Been Everywhere?" It goes, "I been to: Reno, Chicago, Fargo, Minnesota....etc, etc." Well, that's like me with library fines. "I've got fines in: Simsbury, Palo Alto, West Hartford, and Seattle, Avon, Lewiston, Bates College, Austin...I've got fines everwhere..." It's not intentional, it's just that I somehow never make one last trip to the library I'm leaving to pay off my fines. And yet this time, I know I'll need to. I know I'll need to go back, and pay for these DVD's, and look the person in the eye as they read off my fines for "Moonlighting," and just hope that nothing embarassing was overdue. It's like at blockbuster. The last thing you need the checkout person saying to you is, "I have here that you owe 12 dollars for MXP: Most Extreme Primate." Then everyone in the line gets to mock you a little until you remind the clerk that Blockbuster no longer has late fees and that's why there's NEVER ANYTHING IN THE FREAKING STORE TO RENT.

And yet, staring at the barrel of a scanner gun, I don't care. My eyes are wild, my spirits high, and my stance resolute. Because it's Friday. Nothing can hurt me now because the weekend is here (well, actually, my ear is hurting quite a bit, but that effs up the hyperbole), and I am ready for it. So bone out, fines, Bruce and Cybil have a new home now.

Keep An Eye Out For Another Post Today To Make Up For None Yesterday,

1 comment:

momula said...

I feel your pain, Witz. I owe close to $20 for 5 books about Dwight Eisenhower (and Executive Privilege - the legal concept, not the movie. If there was one). Books. Not even DVDs that I didn't watch. Books for a paper my daughter had to write. The difference is, all of my fines happen at the same library. Someday they're going to name a wing after me.... charitable donation?? Tax write-off???