Monday, June 18, 2007

Witz Pickz: "Man vs. Wild"

You better believe I pick The Discovery Channel's "Man vs. Wild." I pick it almost as emphatically as unemployment. You know how BAD my immune system is? This show is as GOOD as my immune system is BAD. "Uh-oh, Witz is sick and watching The Discovery Channel again-- don't listen to him..."

NO. Incorrect. Well, no, I mean yes, I am under the weather and yes, I was watching The Discovery Channel, but not like you think. You see, I was watching on a tv that didn't have cable, and so after a few minutes of watching the Mariners get their asses kicked, I was flipping channels and struck on "Man vs. Wild." I knew it was MvW because the television from 1986 that I was watching it on inexplicably had the capacity to tell me so-- I assume it's the cable that told me, but it only gets like 5 channels, why would it also include the TV GUIDE BOTTOM LINE feature?? Whatever. So I'm watching the show, flipping channels, when all of a sudden, this guy says in a British accent, "And although I've now made it over the waterfall and into the snake basin, I'll need to build a fire quickly, because I'm chaffing, and that's less than pleasant."


SOLD PEOPLE. I. Was. Sold!

For the next EIGHT HOURS, I watched Bear Grylls (former British Special Forces thirty-ish who has climbed Everest at 23 yrs old). You see, the premise of the show is simple: Bear Grylls, an affable, optimistic, understated guy with a little Christian Bale look to him gets dropped via parachute or rope in the middle of various dangerous terrains. The idea is that he goes into places where tourists get lost and killed. He then uses his survival skills (he brings only a knife and clothes, and sometimes a flint) to find his way to "Rescue" which usually means a tiny village. The flint is clearly extraneous as he makes fire about 50 different ways and can tell direction just as cleverly. He's basically just the man, and it's very fun to see him get back to civilization, especially when he casually eats snakes, turtles, grubs, etc. along the way. What gives the show it's appeal, however, or at least it's ultimate appeal, is Bear's quirky Britishness. I was 100% sold on the show after hearing Bear say,

"Listen, listen. Can you hear that? Bees! I can definitely hear bees! And if I can get to their hive, and to their honey-- well, that would be ace!"

He's in the middle of the Costa Rican jungle, avoiding snakes, bugs, and dangerous terrain, but he hears bees and loves honey, so off he goes. You see, he already had food, and this shows how cool he is. He just says, oh yeah, if I can just find the bees, find the hive, fight through the bees to the hive, and steal THE HONEY, that'll be tops! And of course he does it. He creates a torch that he makes smoke to calm the bees so he can approach and then steal the honey out of the hive and then eats it like a five year old child with honey dripping down his face.

Since watching the show just yesterday, I've been wanting to get dropped somewhere and have to try and survive. But maybe like, Costco instead of Costa Rica, or The Connecticut Coast instead of The African Plains. The public pool instead of The Florida Everglades...stuff like that. I guess mostly I just want to have to feel good about eating a Chipotle Burrito for lunch far too often. God they taste good. And only five dollars-- what was I saying? Right. Man vs. Wild. Awesome.

MvW is now on their second season. The show airs 9pm on Fridays and repeats on Saturdays.

Bear Grylls Would OWN Survivor,


A Money said...

I couldn't agree more. Bear is crazy. My favorite part what when he scaled down an effin water fall. Or when he jumps into a river from 70 feet. Basically everything he does out in the wilderness.

Witz said...

Yeah! The best part about that was that there was NO REASON to climb down the waterfall part-- he could just as easily have repelled down on either side of the waterfall where it was dry, but he climbed down the middle just for the eff of it. Also, I don't generally like it when he does things just to show the viewer how to do it (i.e. falling into a frozen lake or jumping into quicksand), but he's badass and he knows it.